Episode Transcript
Transcripts are displayed as originally observed. Some content, including advertisements may have changed.
Use Ctrl + F to search
0:14
J.D. Power Rank Sleep Number Number
0:16
One in customer satisfaction with mattresses
0:18
purchased in-store. And now, the Queen
0:20
Sleep Number C4 Smart Bed is
0:23
only $1,499. Save
0:26
$400 for a limited time. For
0:29
J.D. Power 2023 award information,
0:31
visit jdpower.com/awards. Only at
0:34
Sleep Number stores or
0:36
sleepnumber.com. Prices higher in
0:38
Alaska and Hawaii. Tired
0:40
of Dive
0:51
into a world of laughs by
0:53
downloading the Amazon Music app for
0:55
free. Or go to amazon.com/comedy ad
0:58
free. That's amazon.com/comedy ad free to
1:00
catch up on the latest episodes
1:02
without the ads. Hello
1:19
and welcome, sorry, Alice just made me laugh.
1:21
Welcome to the best of my dad, poor,
1:23
no. And this week we are
1:25
we're doing it guys. We're doing
1:28
sex. We're gonna
1:33
take that lovely blouse off. I
1:35
guess I'd always sensed it. I didn't know if
1:37
you were feeling it. And like, okay, this is
1:39
this is weird. Who's top or bottom? James,
1:42
you just watch. Oh, God. We're
1:45
talking. I think you've got the roughest end of the deal.
1:50
Yeah, my eyes, my eyes. No,
1:53
we're going through the book.
1:55
And Dave is into chocolate body paint, as you know,
1:57
so that's Gonna be weird. I'm
2:00
with talking about order the fun sex
2:03
stuff that's happened invalid doubling over the
2:05
is which I'm amazed we haven't done.
2:07
Light. And I shall I know my daughter I poured
2:10
out with weights or now to do a best of sex.
2:12
Honestly. A nice are enough tips
2:14
to sell This ssssss is sometimes
2:16
said on the ground. Gas
2:18
Jostle is erotica. It
2:22
was as it's supposed to be, What
2:25
the definition is? Because it's the definition of
2:27
erotica. Is. That it's a rustic
2:29
than nothing. but it is it. It's
2:31
trying to be a lot said. I
2:33
try. I just wonder if the sexes
2:35
sexes. He thinks they're important to the store with. Excessive
2:39
really with some sexy. I just think that
2:41
sort of. He dismisses of whom have we
2:43
have, but I think any of us had
2:45
ever read a roster to the full. We
2:47
did this pocus so I know maybe this
2:49
is standard. arrested him of his is good
2:52
erotica. Alison look through this will. Only. Because
2:54
I'm now realizing that even though he said a
2:56
cat allies to this, I still haven't met any
2:58
of the. Night except for the not. Even
3:00
before this, like. This is my only. Three
3:03
that a Rustica analysts report or other
3:05
kind of as you may be assisted
3:08
Cold winters there has been. A long,
3:10
cold winter. Speaking of that, in the
3:12
course of studying these books and I
3:14
do think. Missiles as academics
3:16
now of Iraq is insensitive
3:18
and. We house intern
3:20
revealed. Rather, Lot about
3:23
ourselves. Some would say too much
3:25
to see fellow I definitely that way
3:27
and would love a reactor of the
3:29
show Toby if I may I assist
3:31
I think of decide to much about
3:33
the bedroom overtones and living species bedroom
3:35
so I I sponsors good Very much
3:37
to say I have to be said
3:39
my bedroom was Mccoy it's thrilling he
3:42
was i see you at secret like
3:44
father like a non either to for
3:46
was as if I'm focused on my
3:48
using that as I was in Kenya
3:50
outta is a tent. In the
3:52
Maasai Mara. And
3:54
discusses sorry, sorry.
3:57
Sorry. i'm and discovered the i was serving
4:00
bedroom the bedroom with
4:02
a snake oh like
4:04
a real fucking snake what kind of snake
4:06
okay I didn't know what kind of snake
4:08
it was it was pitch black obviously the
4:10
snake or the space the space lions
4:13
were walking through the camp while I discovered
4:15
so no one could leave their tents and
4:18
they said that they had a whistle to kind of use
4:22
to help snakes out no to get people to come
4:24
and help you but I didn't have a whistle all
4:27
I had was a huge bottle of vodka which
4:29
I drank and then had to
4:31
on my own get rid of this
4:33
snake with after a huge bottle of
4:35
vodka well for Dutch courage yeah I
4:38
love that other people packed a survival kit they packed
4:40
a whistle they tried to seem like you know maps
4:42
or like compasses like the stuff that you take on
4:44
a like D of E you know change your clothes
4:46
I imagine a flare gun yeah a flare
4:48
gun I'm sorry and
4:50
you took a bottle of vodka look what
4:53
I'm saying is that I'm glad I did because
4:55
I didn't it kind of numbed me to the
4:57
horror that was a snake in my tent because
4:59
the next day I told our guide I had
5:02
a sacred tent news like whatever I think that's
5:04
that isn't true it's impossible showed in the video
5:06
and he was like oh my god that's a
5:08
black mamba oh no
5:10
I don't know much about snakes but I
5:12
think a black man was not good one of I think
5:14
the most deadly snake in Africa it was a
5:17
baby but still I don't care I
5:19
don't care if it's a toddler I don't care if it's
5:21
an old man I do not want it in my tent
5:23
and then he was like oh you were lucky that mummy wasn't there
5:28
that face also mummy would have been
5:30
there that's the horrible thing oh my
5:32
god well thank God you still here
5:35
he's like you were lucky that daddy wasn't there that
5:41
thing the other day and this woman
5:44
came up to be really drunk and she goes oh
5:46
my god your daddy wrote a porno oh
5:50
my god you're telling me about porno you
5:52
are telling me about porno my daddy
5:55
wrote a porno horrible right yeah totally different
5:58
but yes that was kind of a thrilling bedroom
6:00
experience obviously not sexual. I was going to
6:02
say you've really veered this
6:04
off course we're talking about. Well I just thought I'd share you know I
6:06
mean it was a huge moment in my life. Because people will be
6:09
thinking this how did you get it out? I
6:11
got my bottle of
6:13
deodorant which was the longest thing I could
6:15
find so not that long and
6:17
kind of kind of coked
6:20
it, it's a good word, out this
6:22
way please. It looks like you're in
6:24
the stalls. I'd
6:26
opened the zip like a little bit
6:28
but on lions walking through the I
6:30
cannot tell I was so scared I
6:33
was literally I'm gonna I'm not gonna survive this and
6:36
I opened up the zip a little bit and luckily it
6:38
kind of just slithered out and I just closed it and
6:40
I just shoved loads of deep like
6:42
sprayed loads of deep. Of course I kept
6:44
gritting his teeth. Honestly it was so and
6:46
then obviously I switched off my torch and
6:48
it is pitch black and all you can
6:50
hear are lions and there's a hippo that
6:52
was sleeping like three feet away from my
6:54
tent as well. No we had to speak
6:56
about other people again. I
6:59
just was like there could be anything in this
7:01
fucking tent. Jamie you're in the Masai Mara of
7:03
course there's fucking animals around. If
7:05
anyone's intruding it's you. True
7:07
but I didn't think it'd be in my... there's something
7:09
about them being in my tent that was kind of
7:12
horrible. The most shocking part of this story I
7:14
think is that Jamie recorded a video
7:17
whilst the snake was slithering through the tent where
7:19
he's going This is going to be a fucking
7:22
fire pit! Why are you making content? I
7:26
just knew that you wouldn't believe me if I'd have come back and
7:28
said there was a snake in my tent. It's a very sinister snake.
7:30
It is you can see its little tongue going... Serpent
7:33
tongue. Well we're glad you're alive. Thank you. Do
7:35
you know what it actually felt really... it was
7:37
kind of a... it's been a bit of a
7:39
moment in my life but I think I'm quite
7:41
a risk-averse person about things that are scary and
7:44
it's really pushed me out of my comfort zone. I feel like I
7:46
kind of conquered something not just a
7:49
snake but within myself. I've come
7:51
back a changed man guys. A baby snake.
7:54
A baby black mamba! Come on! Come
7:57
on! You know this is going to get logged
8:00
as being a near-death experience. You know, like this is
8:02
gonna, I actually feel like, it's also gonna turn into,
8:04
and I nearly got eaten by the lion. You know,
8:06
like it's gonna, it's gonna really get snowballed over the years. I
8:08
think I'm downplaying it, I feel like. I feel like it's a
8:11
very Rocky Flintstone style diversion when I
8:13
thought I was gonna get a sex story to get
8:15
that story. I actually think that's very
8:17
appropriate. Fair, fair, fair. I do think over
8:19
the years, to Rocky's credit, we did learn
8:21
things. Oh, absolutely, and also
8:24
he was innovative. There were
8:26
sex positions, sex actions, sex
8:28
activities, but he invented, I
8:30
think. Yeah, well, one of the
8:32
most famous ones being HS2. Oh,
8:35
is that what HS2's talked about? That's what I found out.
8:37
You know, there's been all this speculation of what HS2 is.
8:39
Yeah, there was a, so there was a chapter called
8:42
HS2. Yeah. And whatever
8:44
happened in the chapter, it was nothing to
8:46
do with, what we know HS2 is, is
8:48
like a, a high-speed, a high-speed, a
8:50
high-speed, a high-speed, a high-speed, a
8:52
high-speed, a high-speed, a high-speed,
8:54
a high-speed, a high-speed, a high-speed,
8:57
a high-speed, a little factoid
8:59
for the day. Wow, that was really worth listening for. I
9:03
mean, I think that's gotta be a fan favourite, hasn't it?
9:05
The hump and skunk, so it should definitely come back. You
9:07
know that I met somebody that said that
9:09
they do every single sex thing that's on
9:11
the podcast. Shut up! What? Shut
9:13
up! No, no, no, no, no, no. How
9:16
many of his girlfriend, that's their kink, that
9:18
they do, obviously not, you know, exactly, but
9:20
they try and recreate. Stop it! That's their
9:22
kink. Yeah, yeah, he listened to it in
9:24
bed with his girlfriend, and then they would
9:26
try and recreate whatever sex was in that
9:28
episode. What? Some of them are
9:30
just not safe, like, as far as where
9:32
you put bits of you and... Well, exactly,
9:34
I think they did their best to recreate.
9:36
What a lot of mess. He's never
9:39
done water sports, has he?
9:42
He doesn't have some, like, golden showers.
9:44
He's never done anything that's
9:46
like, golden showers, trust you to bring up
9:48
golden showers. It's all quite sanitary, isn't it?
9:50
Exactly, like, you know... I mean, it's not,
9:53
it's absolutely not. Sanitary? It's absolutely not, I don't
9:55
know why I said that. None of it is sanitary, and
9:57
you definitely shouldn't eat any of the food after it's
9:59
gone... through the processes that he talks about
10:01
but I suppose he's not he's
10:04
sort of weirdly vanilla sometimes. That's
10:06
what I mean exactly it is kind of pushing
10:08
the boundaries but only within a very very
10:10
safe kind of field. It's all quite willy
10:12
wonkery. Exactly yeah do you know I've realised
10:14
there's a bit of a Venn diagram with
10:17
like sex and food with Rocky like
10:19
often characters can't have sex without
10:21
either incorporating food or swiftly having
10:23
food afterwards. Yeah so do you think
10:26
the bat is reflective they were obviously easter
10:28
eggs not um sorry in the sex scenes but there
10:30
are easter eggs throughout the book. You know there's a
10:33
lot of easter eggs. That's a great idea a
10:35
little kinder egg bonking through the kinder egg
10:37
um there's sometimes sort of little clues aren't there to
10:40
like Rocky's kinks and I wonder if that's one. What
10:42
so you say like anytime Jamie sees his dad like
10:44
having a turkey sandwich maybe he's just you know finished.
10:46
Well exactly like spaghetti bolognese like whenever he
10:48
likes maybe there's like a chocolate sort of fondue.
10:51
Okay let's just get on with the clips. Yeah
10:53
yeah a bit of garlic bread. Exactly. The clips
10:55
are coming guys please enjoy and do listen for
10:57
a little unheard bit. The
11:07
flamboyant nightclub owner bowed and sat next
11:09
to the contessa. Good
11:12
evening my creatures of the puss.
11:15
What does that mean? Zachariah
11:20
cackled as
11:23
he retrieved a long thin
11:25
cigar. From
11:29
the huge sleeves of his
11:32
scintillating robes he breathed in
11:34
deeply thoroughly enjoying
11:36
the smoky goodness. Rocky
11:38
has never even smoked a cigarette. I don't think
11:41
he has. He's really out of his comfort zone.
11:44
Belinda shivered with
11:46
excitement as he
11:48
slid his mouth to her lids.
11:52
Yeah and filled no pussy with the
11:54
hypnotic fumes. Oh my gosh she's got
11:56
smoke up her chimney. That's
11:59
a strong... Strange form of passive inhalation, isn't
12:01
it? Talk about Dick Van Dyke. Oh my god. Get
12:04
a chimney sweep up there. Chimney,
12:06
chimney. I've never heard
12:08
of that. I mean, I haven't heard of a
12:10
Tamarix flute, so... I don't know if that's how
12:12
the Tamarix flute works. Oh, is it taking it?
12:14
Is it kind of like a vaginal bong? I
12:16
don't know. Taking
12:19
all ten of his fingers, Zachariah
12:21
crimped her labia shut. Crimped? Oh,
12:24
like when you're making... This
12:26
is like dumplings. Or like a
12:28
pie. Yeah. And then he pimps the pastry.
12:30
That's gross. So he's holding it in a
12:32
bit like... Wait,
12:34
it's a hotbox. It's
12:37
literally a hotbox. Oh my god. Oh,
12:39
it's got a hot box. Zachariah crimped her
12:41
labia shut so she could
12:43
feel the magical smoke marinade.
12:45
Mmmmmm. When
12:48
Zachariah finally let go, Belinda
12:50
twitched and jiggled on the spot in
12:53
utter and complete utopia.
12:56
Is that where the phrase blowing smoke up someone's ass
12:58
is going to stop? Look
13:02
at him. There's a variant on that. Is that
13:04
what it means all this time? Yeah, Tamarix flute.
13:07
Contessa Lucia was
13:09
never one to be left out and
13:12
she quickly turned 180 degrees, pushing
13:16
her perfect rear end into the sky. Oh my god.
13:19
They're literally going to blow smoke up
13:21
her ass. Oh my god. Zachariah
13:25
didn't need telling twice and
13:27
inhaled the cigar like a
13:30
cavalry trooper. Like an absolute bloody trooper.
13:32
He is a bloody trooper. Look at
13:34
that. He's just inhaling that thing. Cavalry
13:36
or otherwise. Sensually, he pushed a long
13:38
drag of smoke into
13:40
her bottom hole. Am
13:46
I crying? I'm laughing. I don't even
13:48
know anymore. Bottom hole. To
13:50
her bottom hole. Within
13:54
seconds, he had Belinda's
14:00
legs wide apart and
14:02
he placed his nervous cock
14:05
into a pinky. Oh
14:07
god! Into a pinky! I
14:09
can't look at either
14:12
of you. Oh
14:15
my god, it's gone from her
14:17
understanding to her pinky. No!
14:20
Into the pinky! This little
14:22
pinky went to Mark's. Oh
14:25
my god, this little pinky should have stayed at home.
14:30
Belinda moaned in pleasure, taking
14:33
the odd moment to direct the kids' actions.
14:36
The kids don't call him the kid. No,
14:38
much like a driving instructor on a busy
14:41
A-road. Fifth
14:43
gear, fifth gear. Clutch! What's
14:48
the pedestrian? Once
14:50
his penis was safely inside Belinda's
14:52
labia. Safely! You're now
14:54
safe. Docking complete.
14:57
Does she treat it like a safe? All
15:00
your valuables? Your work, your possessions.
15:04
Exactly, your cash. Once his
15:06
penis was safely inside Belinda's vault,
15:08
sorry, labia, he
15:10
started to gently thrust and
15:13
took the opportunity to make some small talk. Oh
15:16
brilliant, great time. So
15:18
how are you? Also, you know he's
15:20
just going to get too excited too quick
15:22
and go a bit too quickly. What do
15:24
you do for a job, Belinda? Oh come
15:26
on! Thrust, thrust. I'm an
15:28
international sales director for a pots and pans
15:30
company. Thrust! International
15:35
thrust. Oh my god! That's
15:38
interesting. Thrust. Can
15:42
I have some work experience? Thrust.
15:46
Sorry? Thrust. No you
15:48
fucking can't, thrust. I've
15:50
got to go. Thrust, Belinda
15:53
blinked. She's
15:57
female. forget
16:01
oh multiples yeah yeah you're right it's multiple
16:03
in one isn't it what's it again what
16:05
when you have when women have an orgasm
16:07
they have multiple at once in one what
16:10
do you mean multiple
16:12
in one what like a big one like
16:14
a turbo I won't get one free what
16:17
do you mean when a woman orgasms
16:19
yeah yeah it's so
16:22
intense and happens less frequently
16:24
than a man is what do
16:26
you mean less frequently women orgasm
16:28
less frequently than men no women
16:30
can orgasm multiple times and it's
16:32
not in a session yeah it's
16:34
not a belly yeah yeah James
16:38
is now straight then why did women take it
16:41
it doesn't mean you can come when you want to
16:43
come no no in theory
16:46
in one sitting let's say go
16:48
to one go in one go in one
16:51
game of what you
16:53
could one roll of Yahtzee you can come lots
16:55
of times you know wow could you know how
16:57
guys like once you come you've got to have
16:59
a bit of a rest yeah not
17:01
so with women keep going you are
17:04
fascinating to me I'm on a petri dish
17:06
I feel like
17:10
this is a lot of this we need to take
17:12
this off podcast because there's more that I have more
17:14
questions I think we need to
17:16
know that's not I don't mean like I'm
17:19
potentially get together and then look at me
17:21
till I speckled what Belinda questioned internally how
17:23
does that
17:37
work a chubby finger
17:40
wriggled like a worm indicating
17:42
her to come closer oh yeah because
17:45
she's covered entirely in later hmm Belinda
17:47
teetered in the heels towards the dominant
17:49
tricks the closer she got the better
17:52
she could see oh no
17:54
what it's not latex is it it's gonna be
17:56
like butter icing or something about
17:58
three and a half paces away It
18:00
became clear that Mistress
18:03
Sweet Juice's suit wasn't latex
18:05
at all. Oh god. Two
18:07
and a half paces away showed... Oh
18:10
god, it's mayonnaise! It was... Showed
18:14
it was paint. What kind of paint?
18:16
Like white chocolate paint. Yeah, chocolate body
18:18
paint. One and a
18:20
half paces away. Why are you walking
18:22
in half paces? No. Smoothed
18:26
whipped cream. Oh!
18:30
Warm curdled body cream. No
18:33
bangs. Half a paces away. Cream
18:36
cheese. Light up close.
18:40
Not very creme fraiche if you know what I mean. Belinda
18:47
sank to her knees and
18:50
began eating the thin layer of room temperature
18:52
cream. Oh my god. Of
18:54
her bubbly body. Oh
18:57
my god. What do you mean bubbly? Oh
18:59
you just mean curvaceous, you don't mean it's not like... Yeah
19:02
bubbly. Like welts and boils and
19:04
stuff. Oh right, okay fine. It was
19:06
fizzing in the heat. Oh my god. The
19:08
idea of anything other than refrigerated
19:11
cream really is unpleasant. The other thing is, how did
19:13
she do it so quickly? Didn't they just run upstairs
19:15
and then she like, what, ran in a room and...
19:17
Oh, she'll have a whole team James, come on. She'll
19:20
have a whole team. She is
19:22
Mistress Sweet Juice. Jim
19:28
kept fucking. Belinda
19:30
flexed her vagina lightly. This
19:32
is the light flex. She wanted
19:34
Jim to fully complete his experience and thought he
19:36
had had enough thrusting for his first trip out.
19:38
I'm just nervous he's gonna like, cum dust or
19:40
something. He's just gonna... And
19:44
it's all just going... Just flakes.
19:47
So gross. Bonito tuna flakes.
19:49
Stop it. Ah. Tuna
19:51
what? Fish food. Fish food?
19:54
Little papery fish. He just stood on top. Yeah.
19:57
Oh, but more. It happened quickly. Too
19:59
quickly. for Belinda. And
20:02
suddenly she was swimming. Swimming?
20:04
What? Swimming in a sea.
20:07
What? A pale blue sea
20:09
man. What? I
20:12
literally have no words. Pale blue?
20:14
Yeah. Is he coming bleach? A
20:16
toilet duck. Spray that round the
20:18
rim. Get a couple of uses
20:21
out of you. Oh no.
20:23
Jim's big
20:27
cock, now so handsomely matched
20:29
with his big balls, had
20:31
exploded. He's got a monster
20:33
dick. He's got a monster
20:35
dick. Jim was swaying
20:38
all over the place. Oh
20:40
God. Belinda caught his stocky
20:42
arms and held him firm
20:44
whilst orgasming herself. What about
20:48
Jessica? Nothing puts her off either. Oh
20:50
it's blue. I have just come. That
20:52
is really creeping me out. A
20:55
loud roar engulfed the
20:58
room. Speller. Jim
21:01
Sterling had come. Do
21:10
they all look the same? They being
21:12
women? Like if you saw
21:14
your vagina in a lineup. I'd
21:17
be like why has someone produced this and how do
21:19
I get it off the internet? You know if your
21:21
vagina had robbed you or something and you had to
21:23
identify it. Could you spot your vagina? Well yeah I
21:26
mean I'm sure you could spot your own couldn't you
21:28
Al but they do all look different yeah. You say
21:30
that but you obviously don't see your own
21:32
vagina that often up
21:35
close just because of its
21:37
location. Because they've all
21:39
got different hairstyles right. Oh my
21:41
gosh. It's not the Nolan sisters
21:43
either. No
21:47
but some are more unkempt. Some girls like
21:49
keep them really tidy. Yeah but it's way
21:51
more than that James. It's like any body
21:54
you know. Is your penis the same as mine? Oh
21:56
no I could tell mine in the lineup. You could
21:58
tell yours in the lineup. That number three.
22:01
Point is that What? What are your
22:03
identifying features? Some of our daughter
22:05
had it about society was normal read the
22:07
Earth: are you looking at the bulls other
22:09
side. Of
22:11
the haters, a shot of existence.
22:14
Everything's computerized. Hello, what's your most
22:16
as I was proud as Elements.
22:19
Of I mean is that we're proud of the
22:22
bulls. Surely not because they're not the
22:24
one all they. Know enough to be
22:26
dishonest or I will have answers
22:28
from the know I'm saying is
22:30
that vagina on different because of
22:32
the has to put new physicists
22:35
where. Does it
22:37
off or though introduced if they are
22:39
apt to be deferred. My everybody is
22:41
different. So you know that Senators? that's
22:43
an afterschool special. I have a sister
22:46
fifteen this lady looks as a affixes.
22:48
They're beautiful, assists exact with me. They.
22:50
All repulsive, that universally sort of them.
22:52
audible. Than of my sisters. Somewhat like
22:54
the lips a light different yes like
22:57
me and so is a living color.
22:59
yet some want some Gosnell. May
23:03
have episode of five but yes sure. So
23:05
you know if people have design a vagina
23:07
the out what do they do dumb ass.
23:09
Interest me too because I didn't have
23:11
a sounded as I don't know what
23:13
they're saying. Looks pretty good. I would
23:15
say is I think it's quite common
23:17
for them to not be symmetrical. And.
23:19
Has a symmetrical was his, I wonder
23:22
with a design, a vagina every way
23:24
in like some some weird standards that
23:26
doesn't really exist. There has been painfully
23:28
like I Meet. Somebody me
23:30
the way that like males as haven
23:32
and eating meat yes I wonder what
23:34
they're using as a rough since. Because.
23:38
Flip through a tough thousand Go! I
23:40
love a lot of the proportions our
23:42
allies Twenty three I'm loving like what
23:44
they've done with the my internal. Flights.
23:47
On the has Seven Fifty Eight is to diverse
23:49
as I have the power. I love the hostile.
23:52
I'll take your analysis of. Putting. A whole
23:54
south and is it with if you see a
23:56
picture vagina in this catalogue the like Everything about
23:58
it is that we had to. completely copy
24:00
someone's vagina. Yeah. Because they
24:03
say it's like the biggest form of flattery, don't they?
24:05
Cloning somebody else's vag. Imagine
24:08
if you spotted it, be like, oh my God, that's my
24:10
vagina. Just like swimming baths or something, someone's getting changed
24:12
and you're like, wait a minute.
24:14
You're the crazy girl that stole my vagina look,
24:17
jeez. Oh my God, we're vagina twins. So
24:20
yeah, they all look different, is the answer to your question. Mm-hmm.
24:29
Cool fact, a crocodile can't stick out
24:31
its tongue. Also, you can get health
24:33
insurance for a month or just under
24:35
a year in some states. UnitedHealthcare short-term
24:37
insurance plans, underwritten by Golden Rule Insurance
24:40
Company, offer flexible, budget-friendly coverage for you.
24:42
Learn more at uh1.com. This
24:48
is a paid advertisement from BetterHelp. Alice, what's the
24:50
first thing you'd do if you had an extra
24:52
hour in your day? I think I'm supposed
24:54
to answer seeing you guys. Actually, that's
24:56
not the truth. I would just see
24:58
people more, because I feel like, particularly,
25:00
we live in a busy city, friends
25:03
live scattered all over the place. I
25:05
do sometimes think in busy work times,
25:07
I miss people and I feel like I don't see enough
25:10
of people and it always is such a kind of glass
25:12
topper-upper when I get to see somebody. Yeah, totally.
25:14
It can be really hard to find the time,
25:16
especially with work and everything else going on. But
25:19
sometimes the best way to squeeze that special thing into
25:21
your schedule is to figure out what's important to you
25:24
and make it a priority. Yeah, but that
25:26
can be easier said than done sometime. Yeah,
25:28
but therapy can help you identify
25:30
that and find ways to incorporate
25:32
it more into your daily routine.
25:34
So if you're thinking of starting
25:36
therapy, why not give BetterHelp a
25:38
try? It's entirely online, designed to
25:40
be convenient, flexible and suited to
25:42
your schedule. All you have to
25:44
do is fill out a brief
25:46
questionnaire to get matched with a
25:48
licensed therapist and switch therapists at
25:50
any time for no additional charge.
25:52
Visit betterhelp.com/my dad today to get
25:54
10% off your first month. That's
25:56
betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash
25:58
my dad. damaging, looked
26:04
for well- candied what?
26:25
oh my god. What did she dive
26:27
in there? Her hands or her face?
26:29
Put her hand in a cube and
26:31
it's out like grated carrots. It's all
26:33
like twiddling. She's just like twiddling it
26:35
on her finger. Do you know when you
26:38
like peel a bit of carrot and it goes
26:40
into a... Oh my Christ.
26:43
Is that Abbey Road Security? I
26:46
think we're getting a scullet out. Running the
26:48
ring. The ring that's pubes are ringlets. Well they're
26:50
kind of our ringlets aren't they? I guess it
26:52
depends how thick the thick it is. Corkscrew curls
26:54
for you guys. Why
26:57
would you run your hands through it? Hank
27:05
quietly ripped Belinda's evening
27:07
gown. In
27:09
two! In two! Completely
27:12
exposing her thighs and pussy.
27:15
Oh god it's all happening
27:17
so quickly. He then took the ladle
27:20
and trickled the now cooled
27:22
sauce over Belinda's breath.
27:24
Oh for god's sake. Watching it
27:27
slowly make its way down to
27:29
her navel. Like two heaving
27:31
calzones. This
27:35
is so inappropriate in a restaurant.
27:37
After about two minutes it
27:39
stopped and pulled at
27:41
her shaven vagina. Oh my
27:44
god. Talk about meat flaps.
27:49
Sorry Alison. Nobody was talking about meat. Once
27:52
he had a big enough reservoir he
27:54
carefully opened her vaginal lids.
27:56
And what dropped a little spiral spaghetti in
27:59
there? And let the... sauce to its world. Oh
28:01
my god it's gonna be like a taco! Fucking
28:07
hell! Belinda studied the
28:09
operation closely. Did it
28:11
require just gravity or was it the sauce
28:13
that did the flowing of its own accord?
28:16
She decided to question Hank later on
28:18
this technical matter. Later it's always best
28:20
to ask in the moment. Hank
28:23
slightly pushed back the table, got
28:25
onto his knees and
28:27
licked Belinda clean. Oh my god they're
28:29
in the middle of a restaurant! There's
28:32
nothing less appropriate. Also
28:35
clean. Clean!
28:39
What does that mean in this context? Do
28:41
you think she dubs it with a napkin
28:43
afterwards? Like when you dub it beside your
28:45
mouth you just dub the sides of a
28:47
vagina. Just goes one of the teeth. Finished!
28:50
He made no sexual
28:52
advance whatsoever. That was
28:54
a sexual advance. He's licking
28:56
tomato sauce out
28:59
of her vagina. He
29:02
was hungry! Doctor
29:10
Studd. I've come to Belinda to sit
29:12
down. Doctor Studd. Has she come up with that or
29:14
is that his name? That's
29:17
his name. This is a proper porno. What
29:20
appears to be the issue Doctor Studd?
29:23
The issue is she's been in the coma for a week and
29:25
this is the first time you've ever spoken to me. The issue
29:27
is that James needs to watch more hatches that job all over
29:29
his face. Are you going
29:31
to put your thumb up on her in me Doctor Studd?
29:36
I've been a very naughty girl. No, it's
29:38
not naughty and half
29:40
fluffy. It's very thickly. I've
29:44
got thrush Doctor Studd. I've
29:46
got a little platelet count
29:48
Doctor Studd. My blood pressure's
29:51
all over the shop Doctor
29:53
Studd. I've got this unusual
29:56
dermatological issue Doctor Studd.
29:58
Ok you two are enjoying this. way
30:00
way too much. Could
30:03
it be Saraius' Dr. Studd? I
30:07
think I need your cream for that, Dr.
30:09
Studd. What is
30:12
she wrong? Intensive
30:15
care seems a bit over the top,
30:17
Dr. Studd. Dr.
30:19
Studd. I'm not Dr. Studd. And
30:23
that's Dr. Studd. Is
30:29
he going to try and keep his feet? May
30:31
this thing? I'd dare to think what that is. The
30:33
hump and skunk. The hump and skunk. Is
30:36
that going to involve drugs? What
30:38
dark magic was this? Tony
30:41
thought aloud. Oh wait, skunks, skunk bums.
30:43
That's what I thought like. Oh no.
30:45
Oh no. I would say that's
30:48
the most famous thing about a skunk. Oh
30:50
what smell? The guy. Oh no. The
30:53
guy is. She's going
30:55
to do a little fat. What dark
30:57
magic was this? Tony thought
30:59
aloud. Maeve laughed
31:01
heavily at Tony's sexual ineptitude.
31:05
It's simple. Her teeth
31:07
tittered. You hump one of us while
31:10
the other is eating the... Well,
31:12
eating the... Oh my
31:14
god. You're eating what? A sandwich. What
31:17
a time to hesitate. I'm sorry. I'm
31:20
sorry. I'm sorry. You're
31:22
sorry you have one of us. Sorry, I
31:24
bet it's eating. Eating what?
31:26
Finish your sentence. No,
31:28
don't make me please. Eating. What?
31:32
A skunk. You hump
31:34
one of us while eating
31:36
the other's asshole until full.
31:38
Until full? What does that
31:40
mean? The full thing,
31:42
Bob. The full thing. Oh wow. The
31:45
full thing. Because what? Because
31:47
precisely... But
31:49
how's he filling up? Sounds
31:52
like a dance move. Do the shake and back.
31:56
It was true that Tony was yet to
31:58
visit Kilkenny. was always
32:00
happy to indulge in local customs
32:02
when invited. It's not the local
32:05
Kilkenny. It's not the
32:07
local Kilkenny. It's not the local Kilkenny.
32:11
If you are from Kilkenny, we are deeply sorry.
32:13
If you are from Kilkenny, confirm or deny. Belinda
32:18
didn't need telling at all. She
32:21
gleefully straddled Tony's head and
32:23
spread her milky cheeks wide
32:25
and taut. Oh my God.
32:28
Fucking hell, your dad is a
32:30
master of the muck. He
32:43
really hasn't got to the moment. Now
32:46
that is an image I won't be forgetting.
32:48
That is beautiful. His
32:50
tongue entered through the wrinkled
32:52
flesh rim and
32:54
snuggled its way deep inside.
32:58
Snuggled. Snuggled, why
33:00
is everything so cutesy? Wow
33:02
flesh rim. You can't like
33:05
stick your tongue straight in. You probably can. Let's
33:09
have a tight squeeze. I don't
33:11
know, James. Don't
33:13
you have me neither? Who's ever done the hump and skunk?
33:17
Maeve on the other hand was going mad up
33:19
front. Maeve's like, you guys are stalling me. She
33:21
was heaving and hoeing like a plowman. Like a
33:23
plowman, like a cheese sandwich. Like a plowman or
33:25
a plowwoman, a figure in the field. A plow
33:27
person. Very work. Thank you
33:29
guys. She was heaving and hoeing like a plowman
33:31
and she was a hummer. Oh God, what is she going to
33:33
be humming? What tune is she going to be humming? Oh
33:36
God. The
33:39
tune was unclear. Oh my God. But
33:42
her musicality was not clear. Oh my God.
33:46
She was a very good tune. She
33:48
was clear. Oh
33:50
my God. But her
33:52
musicality was self-evident and joyous. I
33:55
thought you could ask more. More than you can
33:57
do, Alice. So, you know. was
34:00
seeing her boss in a whole
34:02
new universe. She'd of
34:05
course fucked his brains out before,
34:07
but not many people in cookware
34:09
distribution had their line manager tasting
34:11
their rectal cavity. Oh my
34:13
God, Rocky! What's got into him?
34:15
I don't know. Why'd you say
34:17
cavity? But this was what
34:19
made Steeles such a wholesome family business. It
34:22
is, isn't it? It's the
34:24
little ketchup. It's what people love about
34:26
Steeles. And
34:32
here's a little unheard morsel. But
34:34
honestly, have you... This
34:36
is weird, just hear me out. Have either of
34:38
you ever found anything in the book sexy? I
34:41
mean, probably not. That's a very rude question.
34:44
Is it confronting for you? Are you both
34:46
being honest, because I actually have? You've got
34:48
one. Yeah. I would need a
34:50
moment to think, but go on. Well, only because there
34:52
is a particular character, and actually
34:54
it is the scenario, that I think is...
34:57
It's going to be so revealing. Oh
34:59
my God, I was saying it. I'm
35:01
like, oh my God, I have like a savior
35:03
kind of prince complex
35:05
kink. Spooner? Arigas.
35:09
Oh, okay. Arigas, when
35:11
he comes and saves the lender from the side
35:13
of the road, and is she lying in the
35:15
road, her breasts out or something? Probably, sounds
35:17
like it. Yeah, sounds like it. And he comes
35:19
up and he's just this sort of like, you
35:22
know, knight in shining armor, stranger.
35:24
Yeah. And he's got that lovely voice
35:26
that you do, you know, like it's... Thank you. Oh,
35:29
so when Jamie does the Margarito voice, you're
35:32
getting a bit funny downstairs.
35:34
I don't know. I just really like everything about
35:36
that. Oh my God. I know what you mean
35:38
though, he's very like cover of the mills and
35:41
boon book, isn't he? Exactly. Like,
35:43
I imagine like the shirt
35:45
open, very defined muscles, like
35:47
peck cleavage. Precisely. And although
35:49
I wouldn't have thought that's
35:52
my bag, I think because the
35:54
rest of the time, the stuff that Rocky
35:56
does, they're like, I'm there smeared in Vaseline
35:58
and rolling in... and stew
36:00
and then they spit in each other's ears and
36:02
like stick a lollipop in it. Like I think
36:05
I just kind of like that it's a bit
36:07
classic. Yeah, it's a drop of water in a
36:09
desert, isn't it? Exactly. Like at the moment you
36:11
can get something to cling onto. So now I've said that right,
36:13
like quite into it. I guess for that same
36:15
reason, you've just made me think there's someone I've
36:17
kind of fancied since the beginning. Okay. Oh, what?
36:20
Peter Rells. Really? I've always
36:22
thought he's got like a
36:25
Vikingy Nordic vibe going on, like
36:27
he's always described as quite chiseled.
36:30
And you imagine him that sort of
36:32
like Scandi, Yeah. Mm-hmm. Which is
36:35
like, yeah, I like a bit of that. Even
36:37
though he's Dutch, isn't he? I'm thinking like Alexander
36:39
Skarsgard. His debut as well is very
36:41
mysterious and powerful and it feels like
36:43
he's got this sort of enigmatic, almost
36:46
like super nat, you know,
36:48
the runes and everything. Oh, the runes, yeah. So there's
36:50
this other element to him that makes him sort of
36:52
like a fantasy pinup. That was quite strange
36:54
actually thinking about it. That was interesting. Do
36:56
you know what's interesting though, that you've both
36:58
gone for characters that are kind of more
37:00
in the driving seat than Belinda? Don't you
37:02
dare psycho-analyze. Oh my God, he's trying to
37:04
peg him. No, no, no,
37:06
no, he's just trying to. Put
37:09
that away. No,
37:11
not peg us like that. He's trying to peg
37:13
us again. Oh my God, why is he always
37:15
trying to peg us? Anyway,
37:20
finish trying to peg us. You've got to put one's eye out
37:22
with that. I'm just going to peg
37:24
you both. As people
37:28
that kind of like to be looked after, maybe. I'm
37:31
not saying that you're all subs, but. It's definitely
37:33
a round subdom thing going on.
37:35
And I guess Aurigues is more. Oh, he's just taking
37:37
a, were you two like, was this your plan
37:39
all along? Look at me trying to wash my hands. I'm
37:41
like, definitely with yours. Well,
37:44
I think there is more of that because of
37:46
the runes and the kind of, yes. Whereas with
37:48
Aurigues, it was more kind of like, as you
37:50
say, maybe- Be saved. Disney, Night in Shining Armor,
37:52
kind of like that, maybe that's what you grew
37:54
up with. Those kind of, the
37:56
fake ideals of what a man could be.
37:58
Whereas James fasten it. What Are
38:01
they? Me? What's your favorite moments? With
38:03
the support of over the gives you
38:05
a rock solid. I've never got gotten
38:07
hard enough. Peggy The View. Reading these
38:09
books boss is I was born in
38:11
one point that I. That.
38:14
May be kind of what? And this. When.
38:17
I read it says it reminds
38:19
of the stuff it's to book
38:21
or tonight or label him once
38:23
he's told us so Doctors.o On
38:26
we discovered that that was a
38:28
woman. It. Kind of reminded me of
38:30
this. Porno. The I've. Watched.
38:33
You like when I was really
38:35
young? codes? Or
38:38
this. To another
38:40
server and know it's like cooled
38:42
nurse say they. Said
38:50
it would have a good I gotta say they
38:52
give you sector though ever different. On
38:57
was a couldn't or school like
38:59
roads and address. Distinctly learn this
39:01
Cd was. The real nervous. On.
39:03
Like this is. About Iran
39:05
and but not the have it doesn't
39:07
a like of illness. Nineteen Ninety Eight
39:10
A be nuts and that is how
39:12
I would imagine. Doctor said right? Exactly.
39:14
So what describe Alice? She's She's leaning
39:16
over there and. Say the strapline
39:19
as as ness a day. And
39:21
sometimes as. Nine. You
39:24
didn't I. See. Dictator
39:26
has an. Excellent.
39:30
And it's a lovely one with suits and. I did
39:32
many times. Say it's is this
39:34
is a woman completes blonde crop she's
39:36
wearing i think says as sale is
39:39
hop not as bad as well as
39:41
were necessary as and she's got as
39:43
sorry skyn pieces of white set us
39:45
on which unfortunately had out into the
39:48
naval and have address the size of
39:50
hadn't thought of stockings and nic top
39:52
is not that's not. That's. Not
39:54
regulation has any like. What
39:56
I'm finding distracting is as a huge
39:58
skeleton behind. It's
40:01
very like first kind of sexual
40:03
awakening vibes, you know, like she's
40:05
very kind of bombshell, isn't
40:07
she? Sorry, there's a cast list on the front
40:09
that I have to read out. Starring,
40:12
Sadie, obviously. Oh, is that the
40:14
actual... seems so. What, just Sadie,
40:16
like Madonna. Oh, sorry. Sadie Sexton.
40:19
That sounds like a Belinda Blink character. Britney
40:21
Andrews, Missy... Missy...
40:25
Shannon McCulloch. Why
40:28
is that combination of state names and people we
40:31
went to school with? Randy Storm, Bobby Bliss,
40:33
and Dee and Randy Lee. Bobby Bliss. What?
40:35
I mean, that is my... Dee and Randy...
40:37
what? Dee and Randy Lee. Is that two
40:39
people? Yeah, I think they're sisters. Oh.
40:42
That's good. So,
40:45
what's the storyline? What's it about? I'm
40:47
imagining Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Oh,
40:49
you wasn't? She like a frontiers woman. Well,
40:52
I can tell you exactly what it's about because it's on the back of the
40:54
VHS. So, Nurse Sadie and
40:56
her colleagues attempt to outsmart
40:58
a vicious hospital administrator who
41:01
puts profit above care for
41:03
patients. This is literally Rocky
41:05
Fence's material. Can even hot
41:07
babes... It's so badly
41:09
written, there's like... Yeah, it's hard to read,
41:11
isn't it? Can even hot... No,
41:14
sorry. Can seven hot babes defeat
41:17
one man who thinks with
41:19
his dick? Oh my God, I'm in.
41:22
This sounds pretty good, right? Do you remember it? I
41:25
mean, not the storyline, obviously.
41:28
But yeah. So, we think the man goes around
41:30
the hospital and has sex with all seven, and
41:32
I quote, hot babes. I guess. It's kind of
41:34
like nine to five, but set
41:36
in hospital and, you know, a porno. So,
41:39
sorry. Why are we talking about nurse saving?
41:41
No, I'm just saying... I'm
41:43
just saying that the Dr. Studd element reminded me
41:45
of nurse saving. I guess because it was such
41:47
a formative sexual moment in my life, like... Maybe
41:49
on one of the first pornos I watched as
41:51
a kid, so like... Why did you do such
41:53
a serious thing? I don't know. Why are you
41:55
saying it? Like, these are the things that inspired
41:58
him as a... and
42:00
then ask it. And he brings his hands
42:02
together like... It's just sort of like pony blare,
42:04
you know, like the indexing of the phone. Even
42:06
her own, like, don't cry for me,
42:08
nurse faded. Look,
42:11
what can I say, it was the days before the internet, you
42:13
had to get your kicks or you could. Hang
42:16
on, where are you getting it from then? You had
42:18
to go from VHS? You didn't have like people at
42:20
school who like, you would all swap pornos and like
42:22
stuff. No, no, no. I'm
42:24
gay and a girl over here in the 90s. You
42:28
were just playing hopscotch, both of you. Getting
42:31
that kicks the natural way. Oh
42:35
my God, I'm flabbergasted. What did he even ask?
42:37
They got us on the back. You asked it. Anyway,
42:41
at knee way. That
42:48
was probably an overshare. Yeah, I
42:50
can see why that's unheard. Maybe it should have stayed
42:52
that way. And unsaid.
42:54
I mean, I should have stayed in my mind.
42:57
Psychologies for that. Oh my God. Can you
42:59
imagine if nurse Sadie listens to this podcast?
43:02
My cosfootnotes, guys. Anyone? I couldn't meet her.
43:04
I'd be far too starstruck. Don't
43:09
meet your childhood hero, say Jamie. Thanks
43:13
for listening. That was another really fun kind of trip
43:15
down memory lane and maybe a
43:17
longer trip for some of us and others.
43:19
But yeah, we'll see you later on. Can
43:22
I just say the body language in this
43:24
room right now is OK. We're all arms
43:26
crossed. I thought pegging was below.
43:52
Thank you. and
44:00
delights now at Whole Foods Market.
Podchaser is the ultimate destination for podcast data, search, and discovery. Learn More