0:00

Hello, I have my recording going

0:02

it. Oh my editor got all

0:04

that for our editor. All right Just

0:08

ear part I'm doing my own podcast

0:10

on the side. I can't have

0:12

the same editors these peasants Like

0:16

the shirt chords all under me the

0:18

plane It's

0:21

light blue Oh been like three

0:23

seconds already have stuff to talk about we're talking about

0:26

two little shirt expensive

0:28

camera Yeah, I just have

0:30

the settings right I I'm using

0:32

a lighting in your camp. So

0:35

that's kind of my biggest problem Yeah,

0:37

you're like one thing I was noticed where your camera

0:39

It's like the it's like the grain in it attic

0:41

e-ness to it I do have a key light, but

0:44

it burns my blue eyes out of

0:46

my skull. Yeah, you gotta like point it at

0:48

the wall And

0:51

then let it reflect off. Oh, I'm looking into

0:53

it like a no Like

0:55

a Sun no, I've always I've always just had it

0:58

facing the wall and then use the wall to reflect

1:00

I don't even know what a key light is. What

1:02

is that? Now

1:12

that's funny shit, I don't care who you are no,

1:15

it's just a big like square LED

1:17

lights that point of you to Yeah, give you

1:19

nice lighting Three-point

1:24

lighting. No, don't put a sock dude. Oh like the

1:26

sock on fire And

1:30

it came with like a I figured with their call

1:32

but it's like a thing that goes over it so that the

1:35

Bullseyte like I guess

1:37

I was called like a dampener. Yeah dampener

1:41

I think it's like the light

1:43

diffuser perhaps one of those

1:45

to You

1:47

something light pooper looking to what

1:49

I like fucker who's that

1:51

guy? I don't think I know no we're not

1:53

gonna do Hulk feel like we always do

1:55

Hulk Just a wild sentence actually

1:58

hold on let me know that's not what I want Where

2:00

is my gamers not sorry I got too many Nick I

2:02

got of things here Simon

2:05

Cowell loves grandpa's ashes No

2:09

context that's crazy Anyway

2:12

gentlemen I have yes, you just

2:14

put my father on screen But

2:17

it ain't anything I have

2:19

large bar mitzvah go ahead you've come come

2:23

Gentlemen I have come yes That

2:31

is all No, I was

2:34

I was I was just on on

2:36

reddit hanging out looking through stuff And

2:38

I found an old thread that

2:41

I thought would be fun to

2:43

share with you guys on the podcast It

2:46

was from five years ago, and it is

2:49

some some fun and wacky Little

2:53

history facts, what do you go?

2:55

Oh, I love fun and wacky That

2:57

I might refer to later Don't

3:00

worry about me all right um Connick

3:03

we got a lot of taking notes on the history

3:05

class we're about to get fucking nerd is there gonna

3:07

be a test For this board yes, there will be

3:09

a quiz at the end This

3:15

one this one's kind of a banger So

3:17

these are all very like short no not

3:20

much context so take them with a

3:22

grain of salt can't say I'm a chance I Personally

3:26

don't take my I don't take my

3:28

midgets always right salt. I usually

3:30

do like pepper and show me garlic

3:33

powder I Get

3:35

one fact-checked midget and hold the salt

3:38

try the midget fingers. Yeah, I'm

3:40

trying not to Turn

3:42

that to be swollen no salt on my midget anyway in

3:49

1895 the entire state of Ohio had

3:52

only two cars They

3:54

got in a car accident really and the

3:56

entire yes the entire state. There's two cars,

3:59

and they got in a car accident What kind of cars were

4:01

they? Special class? Yeah,

4:05

before the podcast was saying complete side note

4:07

short so we're we were talking about We're

4:09

trying to figure out what the S on

4:11

my car means it's it's called

4:13

an S class You're trying to figure

4:15

out what that was the S stands

4:17

for special so me Ethan yummy and

4:20

soup Hello, and spent

4:22

many hours together in the special class

4:24

That's right. I thought it was coming.

4:27

I really could not be more suitable

4:29

for who is in that vehicle correct

4:31

that high I was in like a

4:33

sport class No, it's

4:35

like the least sporty car in the world. It's

4:37

like a fucking limo like there's nothing sporty about

4:40

it I'm down. It's just a long dawn silvers.

4:42

Yeah, I thought it was gonna be some like

4:44

cool German word It's a special class with a

4:46

K Class

4:51

for the furo to ride it Okay,

4:53

sorry Funny

4:57

history moment Yeah,

5:00

although I use another fun one Okay,

5:02

wait this was this was five years ago, so it's not

5:04

101 year 106 years ago. All right That's

5:09

all a

5:12

massive tank of molasses Burst

5:15

open in Boston causing a sticky

5:17

wave that killed 21 people

5:19

and injured well over 100 I

5:22

actually I have heard of them before I watch

5:24

the video The great molasses

5:26

flood yeah the great molasses flood and it

5:28

went at 35 miles an hour Is

5:32

it molasses like really really thick did they

5:34

know more people than the bomb? What?

5:43

Boston bombing wasn't that like a thing? Yeah,

5:46

there was a marathon hold on this yeah

5:48

that one molasses killed more people than the

5:50

terrorist It's kind of

5:52

like a little thing there. You know molasses is

5:54

real slow Wow

5:57

okay, so three people died in the

5:59

Boston bombing But 21 people

6:02

died in the great

6:04

molasses flood the great molasses flood now

6:06

I don't talk about that in

6:09

1919 yeah, why are we not like why have

6:11

you not prevented? You know

6:13

molasses from entering our country. Oh blog

6:15

by the way happy anniversary. Oh It's

6:19

9 11 Recording

6:23

this on 9 11 11 Blark Hold

6:27

it up for him Marry 9 11 You

6:31

do you can't do 9 11. Oh you gotta do this

6:33

oh? Wait

6:37

you're gonna have like one over here, too And

6:39

like this one just falls over no the one

6:41

that everyone forgets about yeah, this never happened We

6:50

should um speaking of 9 11 we should clap sink

6:53

oh yeah I'm gonna say clap for 9 11.

6:55

I'm gonna say 9 11 then we clap 9 11 That

7:03

is Anyway

7:09

if you're if you're wondering it was

7:11

it was 2.3 million gallons of molasses

7:14

by the way Dude, that's a

7:16

lot of molasses. Why

7:18

didn't they just drink it? Hold on

7:20

yeah, I gotta figure this out I

7:24

look up the reason I'm for molasses isn't it?

7:27

Sure, it's like a type of like jelly is in there

7:29

up the thick sir. It's like

7:32

corn starchy Okay

7:36

I've only ever just heard people say

7:38

you're slow as molasses. Yeah, I mean

7:40

molasses is 35 miles an hour Is

7:45

it actually probably like getting hit by a

7:47

is that the point viscosity of it? Is

7:49

that no it's more fast well more fastest?

7:54

Shut up Mole

7:56

ass Yeah, no it

7:58

went 35

8:00

miles an hour it would be speeding in a residential zone Yeah,

8:04

pretty quick getting shot. Is it

8:06

hot is my molasses hot it

8:08

was a 40 degree No, it

8:10

was 40 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I don't know what

8:12

that's Useful for so

8:15

it's a chilly chilly. It was a

8:17

ship that had a fresh load

8:19

of molasses Which

8:21

was which was warmed to decrease

8:23

its viscosity for transfer Possibly

8:26

due to thermal expansion of the older

8:28

colder molasses already inside the tank the

8:30

tank burst open and collapse at approximately

8:32

1230 p.m witnesses

8:34

report that they felt the ground

8:36

shake and heard a roar as

8:38

it collapsed a long rumble similar

8:40

to the passing of an Elevated

8:43

train I don't know what the fuck that is

8:45

elevated Vertical

8:49

train passing by apparently

8:51

the molasses made The

8:54

molasses made a tremendous crashing

8:56

and deep growling thunder like

8:58

bang Holy

9:00

shit, that's awesome I

9:03

don't know how so what people mean when they

9:05

say you're slow as molasses then your slow is

9:07

35 miles an hour And you're

9:09

capable of killing 21 people one of those is

9:11

true I

9:17

can either run 35 miles an hour

9:19

or I can kill people 21

9:23

specifically No

9:25

more no less All

9:28

right, let me find some more Some

9:30

more banger ones who would win 11

9:32

billion crabs or 2.3 million gallons of molasses I

9:37

don't think I don't know anything no I don't think

9:39

that I mean the crabs couldn't even win just sitting

9:42

in the ocean Where's where there's five in the molasses

9:44

they could just yeah, you think they could breathe in it I

9:47

don't know if they can breathe in it We

9:49

can find out let's drown let's let's get like

9:51

a fucking lobster tank Let's still win from a

9:54

red lobster and fill it up with molasses at

9:57

35 miles per hour 21

10:00

people inside Did

10:06

you know that the whole entire ocean is soup

10:09

The not the guy Me

10:12

no, no, I'm not your answer. So soon

10:17

Soup is essentially water salt

10:20

whoa meat Last

10:23

I checked water salt meat and

10:25

vegetables, which is pretty amen and

10:27

that's pretty much what the old vegetables Those

10:31

are salty water you were on a

10:33

reddit shower thoughts weren't you? Yeah The

10:37

ocean is soup. I don't know what to

10:39

tell you but over season soup over seasons.

10:41

Yeah, who salty Trillions

10:44

of bacteria Fingers

10:47

thing I lost Why

10:49

does your finger always think and why do you always tell us?

10:52

It actually was like alone? Who

10:55

like cologne in a little tinge of

10:57

butt? Like

11:01

a fancy bathroom One

11:11

time where a dude was like selling cologne in

11:13

there I don't know if he worked there or

11:15

if he was sponsored or if he was just

11:17

a homeless dude This had stole it they sell

11:19

I figure he's going to where the highest demand

11:22

is I would have Yeah, I guess pretty cool.

11:24

The stinkiest place you can be my

11:26

least favorite thing is Restaurants or

11:28

hotels that have bathroom attendants. I have never seen

11:30

one of them. Yeah me neither It's

11:33

so I've heard a lot. I've

11:36

heard that they've seen a lot of shit.

11:38

I Haven't

11:42

heard that myself I've

11:45

heard that there's Like

11:50

you've seen some shit You're

11:52

there, and she probably would kill in the

11:54

nose. Yeah. Yeah, he's like that's probably the

11:56

80th time He's heard that they always look

11:58

so defeated like there's a restaurant We always

12:00

go to in Toronto and they have a

12:03

bathroom attendant, and I hate it It's so

12:05

weird and like he'll just sit there with

12:07

the little soap bottle and like you just

12:09

fucking piss or shit or do whatever You're

12:11

doing jork in your shit sicko mode Then

12:14

you come out and he just sits there with the soap and all

12:16

he does put it in your hand And

12:19

then she just gets a little dabble on

12:21

your hand you wash your hand And then

12:23

it's like was why I saw one at

12:25

the airport recently that looked a little But

12:28

he looked as happy as he could be he had his

12:30

headphones In hand yeah,

12:33

he had his headphones on his mop bucket. He

12:35

was walking around. He was just smiling And

12:39

I was like Drunk

12:44

Is probably hammered Percent

12:48

of my job description was to smell shit all

12:50

day. I'd be drinking on the job. No problem

12:52

He looked happy. I was like you know what

12:54

that that right there I was kind of having

12:56

a shitty day at the airport. It

12:58

might have actually been Detroit

13:02

yeah, yeah Bathrooms

13:05

confused Vietnam

13:09

war footage Airport

13:11

bathroom, so it's bad flashbacks

13:14

I love when you just somebody hustle off the plane

13:17

and just do do diarrhea in the bathroom And you

13:19

just hear every bit of it you hear every chunk

13:21

hit the toilet individually Musical toilets

13:23

like somebody opened a can of soup

13:25

and just import big soup episode It's

13:28

a can and an ocean Damn,

13:30

I'm a lot of things me Do

13:35

do we know the extent of no I'm

13:38

not do we know the extent of those

13:40

bathroom attendees responsibilities like will they wipe your

13:42

ass for you or do they? Is

13:46

there a secret menu that Every

13:49

man has a price Chicken

13:52

wipe my ass the one I know in Toronto

13:54

all he does is like I said he sits

13:56

there with the soap bottle Awaits for

13:58

you to wash your hands, which is even more awkward

14:00

when half the fucking weirdos in there

14:02

don't even wash their hands they just touch their dick and

14:04

go back to eating food but like

14:07

he'll sit there with the soap bottle he just put

14:09

on your hand and then you wash you like cool

14:11

then you turn around and go to grab paper towels

14:13

and you'll just grab you one and hand it to

14:15

you and it's like that's what I'm saying he can't

14:17

that can't be all he's there for that's all he

14:19

does that's literally all he does bro I said a

14:21

hundred times I don't watch my hands will

14:24

he judge you if you walk out without a services probably

14:27

stop you but I also like

14:29

am I supposed to tip you am I supposed

14:31

to give you money for putting soap in my

14:33

hand or something I do 18 times a day

14:35

my dispenser does the same thing like I don't

14:37

even drop the order you drop a loony

14:40

on the edge of the toilet and you have to watch him

14:42

try and catch it before it goes in the bowl I just

14:45

tip him in turd stink that's

14:50

their tip is I also

14:52

like can you imagine being a him and you

14:54

just hear a guy doo-doo diarrhea out his butt

14:56

and then he just hands you like a ten

14:58

dollar bill it's like slightly wet before

15:00

or after the hand wash when it was like

15:03

that when I give him the doo-doo you gotta give

15:05

him the doo-doo paper like you gotta like shit

15:08

wipe your ass and then just give him

15:10

a fiber wipe your ass with a dollar

15:12

and it to him stick it to his

15:14

back and walk away like one

15:19

of those little wax stamps they

15:21

hold envelopes together it's

15:23

a little doo-doo spot seal by

15:25

the king you just put your fist and

15:27

shit and stick it to his back official

15:34

seal of the king yeah I

15:37

low-key think I'd rather be rather

15:39

be homeless unemployed if you will then be a

15:41

bathroom attend I wonder if they make that job

15:44

well okay shut up they can't there's no way

15:47

like there is just no way $800 of

15:49

seconds I wouldn't

15:53

be maybe they make an average

15:55

salary of 30 grand hey

15:59

they're working The perks of the

16:01

job is to hear doo-doo. Top

16:03

earners make $44,000. Ooh,

16:06

that's not too bad. Which...

16:08

That's... But like... I

16:10

don't know if I'd take $44,000 to sell food all day. Someone's

16:14

gotta do it. Maybe

16:16

it like... No they don't, that's what they need. Someone's gotta do it.

16:18

It seems like a pointless job. Someone's gotta do it. Are

16:22

we talking about janitors or people that only

16:24

put soap in hands? No, no, no, no.

16:26

Like bathroom attendants, not janitors. Janitors are

16:28

great. They are the backbone of

16:31

our fucking society. Without janitors, we'd all be

16:33

in doo-doo land all the time. I'm

16:35

talking about literally bathroom attendant, the guy who stands

16:37

in the bathroom all day. He does not clean,

16:40

he does not do anything. He goes... Squirt

16:43

some soap in your hand, and he goes, paper towels, sir?

16:45

And you go, thank you. And then he stares at you

16:47

waiting for his $5 and I'm not giving

16:49

him because you just gave me soap, and a soap dispenser is free.

16:53

Those guys. Talk about those guys. They're like

16:55

high-end restaurants and hotels and they're just fucking

16:57

stupid and pointless and it's weird. Yeah,

17:00

I've only... I think I've only ever

17:02

been to one place that

17:04

had one of those guys in there, and I think he

17:06

had candy as well. I was gonna say,

17:08

cancer. I

17:10

think he was dying. He's doing chemo actively. He's holding

17:13

the job. So, the airport bathroom I was talking about,

17:17

I don't think he was an attendant. I think he was just

17:19

a janitor. Yeah, that's fine. An actual club I've been to, there

17:21

was a... I'm pretty sure there was a guy in there, and

17:23

I think he had, like, candy, and I'm like, why would I

17:26

want... candy, and cologne. Like, piss

17:28

finger candy. Yeah, don't you deal with shit hands

17:30

all day? Why would I want... Also, when

17:32

people flush a toilet after they crap, a bunch

17:34

of poop particles float up in the air. Some

17:37

of those are landing on that candy. I don't poop

17:39

in the toilet and I don't flush. Poop

17:42

on the floor. Give him a reason to work.

17:45

Poop right on the candy. He'll just hand that

17:47

off to the janitor, though. It's not even his

17:49

job. When he opens his hand for the tip

17:51

after, save one nugget from your ass. Yeah, give

17:53

him that. Give him a berry. Can

17:56

we talk about the gas station bathroom

17:58

that I shit in? when

18:00

you had to talk about that anytime you want the

18:02

gas station block shit and you're

18:05

good you weren't me of

18:08

of the people that stand on the toilet

18:10

dude yeah I guess we'd even talk about

18:12

those fuck yeah okay what so there's these

18:14

there's these things driving down the 401 that

18:17

we have to go down it's a big highway in

18:19

in Ontario thank

18:22

you for audience they understood one part

18:24

of this

18:28

whole podcast just I know that there's these

18:30

things called on routes and

18:38

this is in no way meant to

18:40

be anything

18:42

anything racist but

18:45

every good sittin starts with that

18:47

there happens to be a lot

18:49

of Indian and Pakistani truck drivers

18:51

here though they when they okay

18:53

all right that's that was yeah

18:55

so that was racist okay

18:57

so glad we got that sorted but they obviously

18:59

like it's it's a job or you could see

19:01

a lot of the you know province and it

19:03

pays well and you don't need a ton of

19:05

experience to do it so when they do come

19:08

to Canada that's one of the jobs they they

19:10

happen to pick up just cool with me awesome

19:12

they're paying taxes contributing to society great but my

19:15

coral with them is coral just

19:20

a fucking story we

19:23

said go ahead

19:26

just talk normal they

19:29

used coral

19:32

what do

19:39

you rip the toilet they stand on the toilet they

19:41

do they don't know how to use

19:49

the toilets here and they stand on

19:51

it with their fucking poopy flip-flops or

19:53

straight just dogging it on the toilet and

19:55

if you open a stop Shower

26:00

though shower piss is unnecessary part

26:02

of unmatched every shower is a

26:05

piss dude. It's freeing you just

26:07

you do nothing no Bush

26:09

you could be like shampoo in your hair, and

26:11

you're like this moving is making your dick fly

26:14

It's like I'm good. I'm chill The

26:18

worst the worst one to do it

26:20

is yeah, it's the most confining. I feel like I'm

26:23

in prison It's the

26:25

worst the least animalistic yeah

26:28

Oh It mark. I probably

26:30

piss outside more than inside. I believe that

26:32

completely Well, I mean the fact that like

26:34

yeah, you record in your garage, and then

26:36

there's no bathroom in your garage Yeah, that

26:38

would that would check out. I pissed right

26:40

on my truck It's kind of weird to

26:42

be shitting outside is much worse than shitting

26:44

on a toilet that is true depends Yeah,

26:46

I feel like that's where like Actual

26:49

survival instinct comes in because it's like a piss you

26:51

could be like oh fuck I gotta go and like

26:54

you can run while pissing There's no big deal, but

26:56

it's like you can't run If

26:58

you got half a duker coming out You know if you're

27:00

like I feel like if you have a hard turn to

27:02

be a lot harder to crap while running But if you

27:05

have a great IRA you could just Whatever

27:07

you need a little bit of moment every time I

27:09

squat outside and shit. I'm always scared I'm gonna shit

27:11

back in my own drawers How

27:17

many times have you done this or you've even thought

27:19

about I don't think I've ever shit outdoor he's afraid

27:21

he's what I have

27:23

to boxers. Yeah, I don't think I've ever

27:26

do keyed out doors. It's fun. Gotta do

27:28

it Yeah, you gotta do it.

27:30

You never wanna camping and you just like there's no

27:32

bathroom in you just kind of gotta sit up You

27:34

know every time I've gone camping there's been like an

27:38

Area that you can do curin so

27:40

you've been glamping Essentially

27:43

yeah We slept

27:46

in tents and stuff, but there's yeah like

27:48

an actual dedicated like bathroom shower area You

27:50

gotta sleep in a tree and shit on

27:52

a squirrel Is

27:54

this the side quest I'm being offered by a crackhead

27:57

you gotta sleep like a bat hanging from a tree

28:00

And then shit down your own face Like

28:07

a heavy raindrop Can

28:12

you imagine a feeling as it just like licks eat

28:15

your hair like it wouldn't actually get like really make

28:17

a ton of contact But it would kind

28:19

of just lick it it would just great enough Dude,

28:22

it would feel like like a

28:24

sticky a sticky baseball sticky toffee

28:26

pudding. Yeah sticky toffee pudding Coming

28:31

down your back Okay,

28:34

I need some of that shit Blart

28:39

you have to that has you have to

28:41

do it hang like a bat and shit

28:43

down my back You have to shut outside

28:45

squat outside. Yes, let it let it

28:47

go you there I mean you think it's just like

28:49

it'd be appropriate. I live next to a farm I

28:51

could just fucking grenade it after yeah, dude, Canada's Perfect

28:55

shit now side weather Yeah,

28:58

it is nice shit no door weather I suppose Get

29:01

the the steam off your dukie just warming your

29:04

ass Correct

29:08

correcto Mundo. I love poop

29:10

just poop in general Let's

29:13

uh Tyler and

29:15

Kelly like Wildcat They

29:17

got two cats that are just meant to like

29:20

protect their their garden and their ducks and stuff

29:22

like that they're just these two feral cats and

29:24

they named them after their two favorite things and

29:28

Tyler named one of them shit because cuz

29:30

she's his favorite thing and the other one

29:32

Kelly named and that cats name is Dyson

29:34

air wrap Like

29:39

a No,

29:41

the the dye it's like a yeah, it's a

29:43

hair thing. It's an air wrap. It's like so

29:46

you can curl your hair You know, why do you

29:48

know that? Nasty, uh when I

29:50

was with my ex I bought her one You

29:58

got a coral The

42:00

conflicts were part of an anti-masturbation

42:02

crusade. Kellogg's,

42:05

yeah, alright, I'm looking at... That's insane.

42:07

Holy fuck, this is long. Hold on,

42:09

no, I'm not reading all that. I'm

42:12

looking up Kellogg masturbating again. Kuthulu

42:15

on the podcast. Guys,

42:20

I know you've been wanting a giant squid from

42:23

the bottom of the ocean on the podcast, so

42:25

we finally have one. Is

42:30

that why there's a cock on it? Cock

42:32

on it? On Kellogg,

42:35

on Cornflakes. I don't know.

42:37

That's probably a question you should ask

42:40

Jesus. I love that Harvey Kellogg... Any

42:42

time I try to fucking Google some

42:44

shit like this, I get sent to

42:46

like, daily dog shit, and there's a

42:48

billion ads, and you can't read anything.

42:53

Wait, Justin Wang has a video about John

42:56

Harvey Kellogg Cornflakes masturbating?

43:00

Oh, hold on. Oh,

43:02

dude, I don't want to read this. Okay, well,

43:05

I think this might be his reasoning for

43:07

it. He

43:11

said, Mr. John Harvey Kellogg

43:14

said that a remedy for masturbation, which is

43:16

almost always successful in small boys, is circumcision.

43:18

Especially when there's any degree of femosis. Well,

43:20

that's a motherfucker who knows what he's talking

43:23

about. Hold on, let me read the rest

43:25

of this to see if this even... Never

43:29

mind. He's just talking about how their wieners are

43:31

gonna be two-sorted jerk their shit. This has nothing

43:33

to do with... So what'd you do today? Well,

43:35

I made a fucking cereal, and I'm trying to

43:37

stop boys from jerking it. What?

43:40

Why was he... Dude, why was he

43:42

so fascinated with that? Why was he like, I need

43:44

to stop people from jerking their shit? That is

43:47

a crazy combo. Like,

43:50

he made an

43:52

amazing cereal and was like, you know what I'm gonna

43:54

do next? We're gonna

43:56

stop dudes from jerking their shit. Yeah,

43:58

what's my next question? life what do

44:00

I go from here I

44:03

know he's on a mission

44:08

you think cavemen ever like a lock shots

44:10

invasion I'm sorry what there's

44:13

two sentences I want to hear

44:15

the backshot one yeah what were you saying I

44:17

wonder if like cavemen and like people

44:20

from back far then back then far

44:23

ever gave back shots like it had

44:25

sex doggy style yeah and then like

44:27

pulled on like blew it all over

44:29

their hairy back yeah they probably got freak

44:31

nasty with it in them caves I mean back then

44:33

so like like monkeys and stuff you

44:35

know they have sex to reproduce they're not like given

44:38

facials like they're coming inside

44:40

like don't monkeys I'm pretty don't monkeys

44:43

and apes like things like that don't

44:45

they don't they have sex just for

44:47

pleasure like dolphins and stuff I'm pretty sure it's like a

44:49

higher a higher being thing

44:52

so I know dolphins fucking for fun yeah I

44:54

think monkeys are the same I don't

44:58

think monkeys are like doing

45:01

like money shots and shit no I mean

45:04

I love you ever seen that I did got to

45:06

do it for fun because unless this guy was trying

45:08

to make a frog monkey version that video of jerking

45:10

off sorry yeah you ever see yeah you know you're

45:12

well this is this goes I've ever seen that monkey

45:14

that's cranking his shit with a frog's mouth yes

45:18

you're telling me he's not doing that for

45:20

fun he's having a yeah he's doing he's

45:22

having fun he is having fun that's party

45:24

time that's freak party time maybe just

45:26

putting a condom on so we don't

45:28

impregnate contraceptive frog just

45:31

like the Egyptians wrote it up wait

45:34

guys this one's big Toy Story

45:37

3 released on the exact same

45:39

day the last execution by firing

45:42

squad in the US took place

45:44

you've got a there's

45:48

some joke to be made there I'm sorry I'm

45:50

sorry to think of where that could go is

45:52

like I actually don't you got a bullet in

45:54

me I don't know something please take your friend

45:56

out of me anyway uh What

46:00

else we got here you ever seen slugs have

46:02

sex no wish this was just recently explained

46:04

to me And I'm gonna share it to you

46:07

they okay one slug dangles its

46:10

moist Goop

46:12

from a ceiling so it's spider-man's

46:14

down like this then the slugs

46:16

intertwine their bodies and they have

46:18

cocks that come out and

46:21

they intertwine their cocks like this and That

46:24

is how they reproduce. It's beautiful really. That's a

46:26

really special ball. I'm gonna do them avatar With

46:30

their fucking ponytails. That's that's how I mean

46:33

Us be in a tree don't they I

46:35

like to hear Bill and I break that

46:37

down for me Yeah, honestly, it's it's a

46:39

beautiful thing to watch though. I'll have to

46:41

check that on afterwards you will Pam

46:48

What if you are discovered? So

46:50

do you guys know who HP Lovecraft is

46:53

yes, yes, okay? So

46:56

for those that don't he is he was a

46:59

writer for a long time, and then he was

47:01

the one who doctor Yeah,

47:04

see was he was a writer, and then

47:06

he created Scientology I

47:08

believe right So

47:10

that was Tom Brady. That was Tom

47:13

Cruise So that was

47:15

that him. I'm not you thinking of somebody else

47:17

it is Brady Ron

47:22

What's the sign? You're right is

47:24

Hubbard sorry Sorry HP Lovecraft was

47:27

just the just the writer didn't didn't mean to throw him

47:29

under the bus there my bad That's why we check Anyways

47:32

regardless in here that does not have anything to

47:34

do with this his cat was the

47:36

hard R man Except spelt not

47:38

not hard R. It was yeah his cat. It

47:40

was a slur he called his cat a slur

47:44

Don't we all it was n-word man I? I Cannot

47:48

imagine yelling that in the neighborhood to get the cat

47:50

to come home Just

47:52

opening your window and screaming and word

47:55

man imagine hanging up signs same

48:01

have you seen and

48:03

word man like three

48:05

dude show up yeah

48:07

you lost it I'm

48:10

here for the free food in the bowl in the

48:12

water and

48:18

the tummy scratches I'd

48:20

give a big I'm here for the

48:22

head tummy scratch here

48:25

for crapping in a box I'm

48:28

here to puke up some hair on

48:30

the carpet I'm going to fuck up

48:32

your curtains I

48:37

can't imagine like 200 pound Jack

48:39

black dude getting the zoomies at 3am in

48:42

my house and just running around like

48:45

jumping up on your shelves and knocking shit over

48:49

this throws

48:52

up on your couch and falls asleep I

48:56

feel I'm surprised you didn't do that we say here

48:58

to be honest never

49:01

know you call me

49:03

by my slur name I

49:05

might just do that what's

49:07

your surname and no slur name

49:13

everybody's got one is

49:17

it no that's not that's not

49:19

lower I feel like white

49:21

people still have a good slur white people

49:24

be like crack actually bro cracking you

49:26

guys did you guys see dude this

49:30

was like the most insane fucking

49:32

thing I didn't

49:35

even know what happened I feel like I entered

49:37

somewhere that I wasn't supposed to see somebody replied

49:40

to one of my tweets all

49:42

they said was Arctic monkeys which

49:45

I thought was you see that's

49:47

what I thought I thought it was nothing nothing

49:50

weird at all there and

49:52

then it got like dude I swear

49:54

to God it got like 300 replies of people who were

49:59

genuinely mad at them person calling

50:01

them the hard are and like every other

50:03

slur they can think of and it was

50:05

the weirdest thing I Have

50:07

ever fucking I actually don't even know what

50:09

happened Twitter user they

50:11

literally just said Arctic monkeys,

50:14

and then there's like 15,000

50:17

racist memes Is

50:19

that like? Is that a

50:21

Lord did I miss something is that a slow

50:23

for white people leave a comment below if you're

50:26

I think that's just people on Twitter that are

50:28

I Saw this

50:30

one a lot I'm gonna I'm gonna

50:32

post it here and then delete it

50:34

cuz it's really bad But there was

50:36

like 14 of that image alone, and

50:38

it is a lion saying saying an

50:40

n-word I Mean

50:43

I'm not I'm

50:45

fucking laughing It's

50:50

just an insane Image

50:52

like why do you why do you even have that saved?

50:54

It's so that looks like something that you would like See

50:58

at Walmart for that home decor It's

51:11

like in a really nice target home decor

51:13

section like

51:15

candles like 30 bucks Dude

51:20

there is also a home lander saying the n-word

51:23

a lot in this see that one

51:27

So I think it's oh, I've seen this one

51:30

Dude wait are these white people

51:32

slurs a male monkey? Yeah? trailer

51:36

trash white trash male monkey and

51:39

Then just a hard are coming from

51:41

home landers eyeballs So

51:46

yeah the internet really is one of the worst

51:48

places it do

51:50

be you are correct bad

51:57

thread Yeah,

51:59

I don't know if I Just stumbled onto

52:01

something there. I don't know if that's that's

52:03

Laura definitely stumbled onto something. That's for sure

52:08

Dude Hold

52:11

on look at this So

52:15

Twitter is a pretty unmoderated place look

52:17

at the Look

52:19

at all the blocked tweets like that Twitter was like

52:21

you don't want to see this You

52:24

have to visibly view it every single one of those a

52:26

hard are to this person who's an Arctic

52:28

monkey So weird so

52:30

if I say that it's pretty

52:33

well moderated There's

52:36

a lot that are not There

52:39

is a lot of just straight-up a

52:41

regular n-word in there, so I

52:44

don't know what those are I'm not gonna go through

52:46

I I don't think that's the best decision for myself

52:49

So it was a reply to a

52:51

tweet you made I tweeted something and

52:53

somebody just said Arctic monkey And

52:56

it literally had nothing like I don't I

52:58

don't know it was like you know have you

53:01

ever heard the dead internet theory yeah So

53:05

like the dead internet theory is basically that like

53:08

Most things are AI procedurally generated

53:10

content And that it's

53:12

mostly bots interacting with bots and the whole

53:14

goal of it is to like minimize human

53:17

interaction between you know normal people I

53:20

feel like that was the most peak like Dead

53:23

internet theory thing I've ever seen happen

53:25

because like Those those

53:27

have to be bots There's no

53:30

dude within literally five minutes. There was like

53:32

a hundred replies of slurs Yeah,

53:36

or it's people who are actively sitting in their

53:39

search function on just didn't know there was racism

53:41

bots out there There's porn bots. I

53:43

said racism. There's a bot for everything dude. You

53:45

can get fucking a slice of pizza sent

53:47

to you on a drone That's

53:51

kind of fire see those are clean that one

53:53

we keep that one. Yeah, we'll keep that one.

53:55

Yeah, we can probably yeah No

53:59

Oh, the lion bot. Yeah,

54:03

just for that particular game. What did I lie about? All

54:09

right, we'll never know. The gaze. Did

54:13

you just check the time? The blacks. I did check the

54:15

time. I checked

54:17

the time to see. Okay,

54:20

we're talking about lying robots. Surely it's

54:22

been an hour. What

54:25

can we talk about for four

54:27

minutes on the dot? Um.

54:34

One of them's possibly. One

54:37

of those, one of them's, one of these. If

54:40

you could be any animal, what animal would you be? Meat

54:43

or spaghetti. Silverback.

54:47

What's nice that you guys remember that was so long ago. Yeah,

54:50

that was uh. I think that was pre-face

54:52

podcast content. Dude, you know what's crazy? I

54:54

actually don't think I'm gonna be able to

54:56

go at any point

54:58

in my life, like to an Italian place

55:01

and not laugh at like meat, spaghetti. Just

55:04

be like, yeah goons. Spaghetti with

55:06

meat. I don't have to choose.

55:08

I could have both. You're

55:12

saying that to the way you start crying. You're

55:17

like 75 years old. I don't

55:19

have to choose. I could have

55:21

both. What

55:25

is this sorcery? Yeah,

55:28

this uh, this job has tainted

55:30

my, my ability

55:32

to have normal human interactions.

55:35

Oh, 100%. 100,000%. I

55:41

feel like before this podcast started, I could probably read

55:43

a book. And now I feel like I probably couldn't

55:45

read a book. Do not believe you. Yeah,

55:49

we're not what ruined. I

55:53

also do not believe him. Yeah,

55:55

you're probably right. I'm gonna

55:57

ask you what's your favorite book of all time.

55:59

I do. have a favorite book and don't say

56:02

the Quran one fish

56:04

two fish red fish blue fish is

56:08

it captain underpants volume for no but

56:11

it did like this a lot when I was

56:13

a kid my favorite book is actually called milkweed

56:15

that's like a serious not a biography serious answer

56:17

it's about a kid milkweed it's about

56:19

a kid in like Warsaw like Germany

56:22

like in the world war two in Poland or

56:25

probably Poland yes right yeah I have read

56:27

it a long time he's like an orphan

56:29

and he like links up with other

56:31

orphans and they make

56:34

a podcast to play gardic phone place

56:40

yes go on the weekend shout out milkweed

56:42

soup and dude you guys have a favorite

56:44

book or a book you've read at all

56:47

um I

56:50

like the anamorphone with the girl become a rat

56:58

I used to just look at the covers

57:00

and then put those motherfuckers back the last

57:02

like me in the library when I was

57:04

12 years old on a book

57:06

well and her she become

57:11

a rat just like 500

57:13

pages of her just becoming her hat

57:16

at the end of the year is very

57:18

very slow first

57:21

she's a girl like I'm a

57:23

rat vivid detail

57:25

for every single thing that she does

57:27

to turn into a rat she just

57:30

started really loving cheese out of nowhere

57:32

it's weird the

57:34

signs were there I think the last real

57:36

book I read was crime and punishment by

57:40

Dostoyevsky didn't like it okay

57:43

story but damn it was that was that in my

57:45

school or did you it was in school I did

57:47

not just the dude did not just pick up crime

57:49

and punishment and read it so

57:54

I'm sorry real book what

57:57

okay I was pretty

57:59

the dude Yes

58:03

What about Animal

58:05

Farm? Do you

58:08

guys ever read that book? No.

58:11

No. Was that another one about

58:13

anti-meat or whatever? Um,

58:15

I don't know if I remember that part. Anti-large farm.

58:19

I think so. I'm pretty sure

58:21

it's about like... It's about like

58:23

Stalin. And like the

58:25

Soviet Russia. But it's

58:27

told in the form of animals. Is

58:32

it? Animal Farm. Orwell? Yeah, George

58:34

Orwell. They made a movie too. I thought

58:36

the movie was pretty good. Hmm.

58:40

I read 1984 recently. Did

58:42

you actually? Yeah. I've

58:45

never even read it. I just know the memes of 1984. Yeah. Was

58:49

it good? I

58:51

liked it. I thought it was great. Not

58:54

a big book guy though obviously. Yeah.

58:57

Just like little books? Yeah. Picture

58:59

book. Picture books. Pop-up books

59:01

for the little things. I mean

59:03

even if somebody likes

59:05

reading, dude, 600 page books, they're

59:08

not a play. I still pay my third grade teacher to come

59:10

and like get the book and do this for me in

59:13

my living room. Yeah. Nice.

59:16

And the fish went to the

59:18

pond. See? Oh, also

59:20

do, yes. Fish! We should. We

59:22

should do. Um. Did you talk about

59:24

that? Yeah. I just, I didn't want to say it out loud

59:26

in case we wanted to cut it out. No, that's, yeah, in

59:28

case. No. So, I noticed that we

59:30

were getting tweeted by a very

59:34

wonderful woman who had her

59:37

son pass away. Um,

59:40

and apparently, which is really sad, but

59:42

they were apparently avid Goons fans. They

59:44

used to listen to the podcast together,

59:47

watch content together. Um, which

59:49

is hilarious that somebody and their mom

59:52

did that. The thought of that to me is absolutely fucking lucky.

59:54

Apparently, it was the whole family. It was, it was always weird

59:57

to think that people in like their forties and fifties, like. Watch

1:00:00

us. Yeah, watch and listen to

1:00:02

poo-poo story. Yeah, awesome. But

1:00:05

my Favorite thing about

1:00:07

it is that the mom tweeted at us

1:00:09

and gave like a rundown of all the

1:00:11

music that was played At

1:00:14

the funeral. Yeah, and half of

1:00:16

it was like the do

1:00:18

or goons related music So

1:00:20

they had a grenade in the

1:00:23

gravy play there was peg

1:00:26

the poop deck They

1:00:29

had Obviously a send

1:00:31

and a bunch of other dues like actual

1:00:33

nice originals including like hallelujah and stuff, but

1:00:36

how you know you Hi,

1:00:39

I got a coral with the way you just said that I'm

1:00:43

done. I'm done speaking. I'm just

1:00:45

gonna sit in silence with you on out.

1:00:47

What is Satan's fat ass hallelujah Did

1:00:50

people think in the audience unfamiliar to

1:00:52

us? Oh, yeah, yo, ho

1:00:54

peg the poop that came on after someone

1:00:57

gave a eulogy Yeah, what I originally sent

1:00:59

it to you. I didn't even think about

1:01:01

that. I just sent it you guys like

1:01:03

this is fucking crazy It's like well, I'll

1:01:05

horn shook That's what

1:01:08

do said like bro the fog horn

1:01:11

Like really that shook the fucking casket a

1:01:13

little Yeah,

1:01:17

I hope that PA system exploded

1:01:19

I want to

1:01:21

know what everyone that was there was like thinking when

1:01:23

they heard I Never

1:01:27

mind. I kind of like on

1:01:29

her booty Give

1:01:31

your arses spank your heart

1:01:33

horror and then there's this

1:01:35

like two-minute in section of AIDS

1:01:38

in the Apple beans in the but

1:01:40

that whole part of balls

1:01:43

in the beans Sir

1:01:46

embryo eggplant fart on the fruitcake Greek

1:01:49

goat cheese great good plate gooch goat cheese

1:01:52

great plate Yeah, just

1:01:54

that whole thing Yeah,

1:01:56

this name was Ben to burn

1:02:01

I think I remember they

1:02:04

said something about like a

1:02:07

bit that we did with Ben or singing to Ben on

1:02:09

that one seat session. Yeah, we'll

1:02:11

check it out. It'll be awkward if we got the

1:02:13

name wrong. We're trying to talk about this. Yeah, his

1:02:15

name is like David or something. But

1:02:18

what was his name? Ben. How confident are

1:02:20

you in that it was Ben? I'm pretty sure it was Ben. I

1:02:23

would say like 98.6% confident. Okay.

1:02:26

So like a McNasty 98. It's like a normal person 60.

1:02:29

So take this with a grain of salt. If

1:02:31

you are Ben, rest easy.

1:02:34

The goons will carry your legacy. Thank

1:02:37

you for choosing our songs. Make more dog

1:02:39

shit for you. Thanks for

1:02:41

sharing your story with us. That's fucking awesome.

1:02:43

Yeah, we love that. I

1:02:45

wish I could have been a fly on the wall. Correct.

1:02:48

To see people's reaction to peg

1:02:51

the poop deck. Yeah. That

1:02:54

one to really like, like Grenadaing the

1:02:56

Gravy, if you're not actively paying attention, you

1:02:59

know, I could see how it would just get lost in

1:03:01

and like just be ambient noise in the background. But

1:03:04

like, It's not subtle. It's

1:03:12

not a subtle track. I

1:03:14

am a pirate. I was

1:03:16

just like 100 people crying. Yeah,

1:03:22

that's so. We got a good laugh out of your

1:03:24

story and we're touched. So thank you for sharing that.

1:03:27

Yes. I'm very much by an angel.

1:03:30

Yeah. All right.

1:03:32

On that positive note, you guys want to, uh,

1:03:34

guys want to call it? Yeah.

1:03:38

He's going to go on. Two percent off. Drink this shit.

1:03:40

Use code goons. Thank you so

1:03:43

much for listening. Download

1:03:48

on Spotify. Like the video if you're

1:03:50

on YouTube, subscribe to the YouTube channel.

1:03:53

Go check out goons gaming. Go check out gamer

1:03:55

subs. Go to goons. 10% off. I

1:03:58

think that's a live. It's

1:04:00

alive! It's alive. This

1:04:05

guy's spitting facts. Thank you very much for listening, see you

1:04:07

in the next one.