Episode Transcript
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0:31
Hey,
0:33
all you cool cats and kittens out
0:35
there in Radioland. It's Tuesday, September
0:37
5th. That's right. Labor Day has come and
0:39
gone heralding the end
0:41
of the summer. But folks, it sure doesn't feel like that.
0:44
It's a scorcher out there. Hope you're staying nice
0:46
and cool with the boys from Chapo Trap
0:48
House. Sorry, I'm just practicing my
0:50
radio DJ pattern to just kick
0:52
things off today. It's
0:54
me, Matt and Chris coming at you
0:57
today. Gentlemen,
0:58
let's start the show. Let's do it to
1:01
kick things off today. I
1:04
just the story that everyone's talking about. I
1:06
think we need to mention diarrhea plane,
1:09
the plane full of diarrhea. Headline
1:12
Sharks on a Delta flight forced into a Delta
1:15
flight forced into emergency landing by passengers.
1:18
Diarrhea hot
1:19
snakes on a plane. A
1:24
Delta flight from Atlanta to Barcelona was forced
1:26
to turn around and make an emergency landing after
1:29
a passenger had diarrhea, quote,
1:31
all the way through the plate.
1:33
Now, OK, this story, this story,
1:35
what's that mean? Yes. How
1:37
all through the plane? Like he
1:39
he shat like directly into one of the air
1:42
vents and it just aerosolized throughout
1:44
the cabin.
1:46
He got he did
1:48
his ass down the entire aisle
1:50
like a dog. Matt, I've given I've given
1:53
I've given this much thought. And
1:56
basically
1:56
the only the only
1:59
explanation I can have. for how diarrhea
2:01
could get all the way down the plane
2:03
is some sort of terrorist attack. Like someone
2:06
just, someone just gets up, drops
2:08
trout and just runs down the aisle,
2:10
just, just spraying shit everywhere.
2:13
I think the most realistic possibility
2:15
is that, yeah, it just, it hit
2:17
him before he got to the bathroom and it just,
2:20
just left the trail. Yeah, down the old pant leg.
2:26
Now there's a lot of agonizing
2:28
things to imagine. Um, were
2:30
you on that plane or were you indeed the, uh, the
2:32
diarrhea person in question,
2:35
but like the fact that it had to turn
2:37
back and land in Atlanta, cause like, yeah,
2:39
I would, I would want like, I would want if I was on
2:41
that plane, like, cause like, look, you're going to be trapped
2:44
in her medically sealed soda can
2:46
with liquid shit. I
2:48
would like it to like the flight to have sort of crossed
2:51
the terminator at which turning back would be
2:53
longer than reaching the destination. That's
2:55
ideal. Yeah. I mean, situation
2:58
like that can't be, you know, this is a worst case area
3:00
because if it happened like a half an hour
3:02
after takeoff, all right, that's kind of annoying.
3:05
Two hours, two hours,
3:07
two hours. And now you get to spend another two hours
3:09
in the shit plane and you haven't even left
3:11
the place that you started from your over
3:14
at the international waters. And instead
3:16
of getting to disembark in Barcelona,
3:18
you're back in fucking Atlanta.
3:25
Well,
3:32
our, our such to be them, I
3:34
think is the only real takeaway from that one.
3:36
It's a, it was a biohazard
3:39
situation. Our teams worked as quickly
3:41
and safely as possible to thoroughly clean
3:43
the airplane and get our customers to their final destination.
3:46
A Delta spokesperson said, we sincerely
3:48
apologize to our customers for the delay and any inconvenience
3:51
to their travel plans. I am going to,
3:54
I'm going to go on a limb here and say that Delta
3:56
airlines did not fully clean that
3:58
plane before. No way. eight, 300
4:01
people back onto it. They just gave it a
4:03
little wet wipe and then they were like, okay, this one's
4:05
flying to, you know, salt lake city
4:07
in half an hour. Yeah. Just a quick
4:10
once over with a hose. There's
4:12
no way they did the like total
4:15
submersion in bleach you would need. We've
4:18
been talking about feral files, especially
4:21
as they relate to planes and air travel
4:23
a lot. And, uh,
4:24
usually when there's an incident of
4:27
this level that a plane needs to get turned
4:29
around, you know, there's, there's an identifiable villain.
4:32
Uh, you know, somebody who is, you know, you
4:34
can tell is acting in the wrong, but
4:37
you can't help but feel for the
4:39
shit tour in this situation.
4:41
Yeah. It's not only stuck
4:44
on a plane filled with their own shit, but also
4:47
must, if they are normal
4:49
at all, feel the insane
4:52
guilt and shame of their shit
4:54
ruining 300 people's day. They're
4:57
all there. They're all know that it's you.
4:59
You're
5:00
right there. Honestly,
5:03
were I the diarrhea man in that situation
5:06
after, after, after trailing shit all
5:08
the way down the plane and then having the plane
5:10
be sent back to Atlanta, I
5:12
would consider some sort of Muhammad Atas
5:14
style strategy. Cause like, look, I don't
5:16
want anyone on the plane knowing about it. Look,
5:19
I'm going to die with them, but then we were all taking
5:21
this to our graves. We were going to those
5:23
first into the fucking Atlantic where for
5:25
anyone knows about my dude who has on the plane
5:28
and then, but then your, your
5:30
posthumous nightmares realize when they get the black
5:32
box and the pilots, like,
5:35
uh, a passenger seven L
5:38
summer, she's shit on everything. And
5:41
now he's battering down the cockpit door.
5:46
Let this be his epitaph. They're
5:48
going to send James Cameron down there. And they're just
5:50
like, yep,
5:53
that's does do do that. Do do all over
5:55
the shit. This is making me think of a,
5:57
uh, a airplane based thriller in say
5:59
the
5:59
red eye or yes stop.
6:02
Oh, yeah. A tradition where
6:05
the shit is found, but nobody knows
6:07
who did it. And you have the rest of
6:09
the flight to try to figure out which
6:11
passenger or crew member it was.
6:14
It was the pilot. You get kind of
6:17
a Kenneth Branagh, like a situation.
6:23
Shooting at altitude. Ladies and gentlemen, one
6:25
of you is the shooter. None of us will be leaving
6:27
the plane.
6:28
Well, that's
6:31
a charming diversion. But can
6:34
we queue up the Trump clip,
6:36
the Trump heater for this week? Absolutely.
6:39
He keeps coming out with them. Good
6:41
Joe Biden's only campaign strategy
6:43
is indicting me. That's all they can do.
6:46
Keep indicting him on nonsense.
6:48
Going on extended vacations and
6:51
sleep, sleep, sleep. That's what he wants to do.
6:53
He wants to sleep and he wants to go to the beach and
6:55
sleep. He thinks he looks good in a bathing suit. He
6:57
doesn't. I
7:00
love, I love, I love, I love just
7:02
like the rhythm of things. He looks good in a bathing
7:04
suit. He doesn't
7:05
just the way it just flows, flows
7:08
right together. More of that just bitchy Broadway
7:11
hag. Also
7:13
like when he said sleep, sleep, sleep, that's
7:15
all he wants to do. He wants to sleep on the beach.
7:18
And I realized like, Hey, like, I mean, that's
7:21
relatable. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep.
7:25
And occasionally a bang on the drum all day. But
7:27
what I realized about this, uh,
7:29
but what I realized about this is that
7:31
trope is, I don't know, maybe inadvertently
7:34
attacking Joe Biden for living the
7:36
margarita village, Jimmy Buffett lifestyle, RIP.
7:39
And I wonder how that will play with voters. It
7:42
is a question like he has,
7:44
I mean, obviously presidential vacations
7:46
are always as an incredibly stupid, uh,
7:49
controversial topic. No matter who's
7:51
in office, because it's the
7:53
heart of it is disingenuous because the people who
7:55
complain that the president is, uh, is
7:58
always on vacation are the people. who think that they're terrible
8:01
and doing a shitty job. So what do you want? Do
8:03
you want this guy to be a terrible president? Or
8:05
wouldn't you prefer him to be hanging out on a beach somewhere,
8:07
not fucking things up.
8:09
So it's never, it's never like sincere.
8:11
Uh, and I honestly don't
8:13
think anybody cares. And I think when
8:15
they see a lot of older people, yes, when
8:18
they see Biden and the aviators looking like
8:20
a melting candle on the beach, they think
8:22
looking good, Joe, or they see
8:25
themselves horribly reflected and have
8:27
a terrifying moment of recognition, in
8:29
which case no good. They hate him. I
8:31
don't know. I know. We got to talk to some old. I
8:33
mean, for someone of his age, Joe Biden,
8:35
does it look, you know, that bad? But
8:38
it's like, I'd love to see Trump in a basement too.
8:40
I'd love his body. Oh, my God.
8:43
It's just something about
8:44
the sun, you know, just like
8:47
the starkness of it. The whiteness
8:49
of the skin. We have, there's a whole
8:51
chapter of Moby Dick about the urban,
8:53
the nature of the color white. And yeah,
8:56
every,
8:57
every one of these grub like Biden
8:59
beach pictures radiates with
9:01
it. Yeah. And then you're like, whenever, whenever, whenever
9:04
I saw Libs get outraged and like, you know, Trump
9:06
has now spent like more time on the golf
9:08
course than he has in the Oval Office. I'm like, good dude.
9:11
What are you doing? What do you want? Do you want
9:13
Biden if you hate him? Do you really
9:18
want him in the White House pressing the
9:20
gender button over and over again? At
9:22
least he's in the Hobart beach. The,
9:25
the, these thousands of, he's hundreds of miles
9:27
from the gender button. But no, you want him
9:29
in there. Button mashing all day. Matt,
9:32
Matt, they bring the gender football everywhere.
9:34
The president. Well,
9:38
then that destroys the whole argument the other way. If
9:40
he's still working while he's there, then
9:43
who cares? It's literally just a change of scenery.
9:45
He's still doing the job. So shut the fuck up.
9:47
He's still pressing the gender button. There's nothing
9:49
to complain about. Sleep, sleep, sleep. So
9:53
like, yeah, there's sort of like a confluence
9:55
of this with the death of Jimmy Buffett. But
9:58
I also want to talk about I saw that guy.
10:00
Richard Hennenenenenia, he
10:03
weighed in on the death of Jimmy Buffett to say,
10:05
Jimmy Buffett taught Americans to hate their jobs
10:08
and live for nights and weekends so they could stuff
10:10
themselves with food and alcohol. But pride
10:12
and work is what gives Americans purpose and explains
10:14
our success. Deaths of despair may
10:16
be considered considered part of his cultural legacy.
10:19
And I'm just gonna say,
10:20
I like this guy a lot better when he was a Nazi. Yeah,
10:23
seriously. He should go back to doing that. It
10:25
was actually more likable
10:27
when he was talking about the genics. The Andy
10:30
Rooney thing is no good. It's
10:32
very annoying. And I get it. He's kind of doing a bit.
10:34
I think he thinks he's doing a Norm McDonald bit
10:36
with this stuff. You know, like
10:38
the Bob Saget roast
10:40
type of deal. But it also
10:42
is revealing because these are jokey takes
10:45
that emerge from a real instinct.
10:47
That's what these people do. And his real
10:49
instinct is to think that it is stuff like
10:52
Margaritaville that made people hate their jobs
10:54
over the last 40 years, as opposed to it being
10:57
their jobs that made them hate their
10:59
jobs. And that to me is
11:01
the entire worldview and its flaws in
11:03
one terrible fucking take because I'm
11:06
sorry, that's not how it works. The
11:08
objective conditions of working
11:10
in America, the
11:11
amount of free time you have versus how compensated
11:14
you are for the time you spend at work. It's
11:16
a line that goes down. So why would not
11:18
satisfaction with work go down to
11:21
you don't need to hear Jimmy Buffet's to say like, you
11:23
know, you wouldn't be better if you were eating a cheeseburger
11:25
right now. You already want
11:27
a cheeseburger. Then you hear the song and you're like, God
11:30
damn right. And you keep listening to it. You buy the album and
11:32
he becomes a star because he is giving voice
11:35
to a feeling, something that is emerging
11:38
out of changing material conditions. And
11:40
then you have troubadours and bars like
11:42
James Buffett Jr. to show up and
11:45
say, oh, you got to say your jobs. Wouldn't you rather
11:47
be eating a cheeseburger paradise? And oh, boom,
11:49
he literally has a, he died
11:52
with a, he died a real estate
11:54
resort mogul with a spanning
11:57
chain of a high end
11:59
luxury.
11:59
spots to
12:04
make up for the fact that their jobs suck.
12:06
Well, we were patrons
12:09
of the Margaritaville Empire, lest we forget.
12:11
Yes. But
12:13
the reasoning, reactionary reasoning
12:15
on this sort of stuff that tries to make sense of
12:18
capitalism without
12:19
actually naming it, it's
12:22
all essentially magic
12:24
because it works back from Margaritaville
12:27
Resort exists. So who
12:29
benefited from that? Jimmy Buffett. How did
12:31
he benefit from it? By making people not
12:33
want to be at their jobs, but instead shit faced
12:36
blackout drunk at his establishment. Can
12:38
I bring you guys in on one of the ironies of Jimmy Buffett
12:40
from that I learned from the and introducing
12:43
episode we did on him, which is
12:45
an anecdote that he would be on tour,
12:48
living it up at the pirate Margarita lifestyle.
12:51
At least the rest of the band would be, you know, after the shows
12:54
that I'll be partying in the hotel room, doing all sorts
12:56
of things. And people
12:58
would be like, wait,
12:58
has anybody seen Jimmy? Where's Jimmy? And
13:01
one of his guys would go around to the hotel
13:03
room.
13:04
He was staying in and knock on the door and open
13:06
it up. And he was inside hunched over
13:08
the decks at his desk, reconciling
13:11
all the bills and expenses
13:14
of the tour and basically doing accounting
13:16
and the turn to his the guy and be like, don't tell
13:18
anybody what I'm doing in here. He is
13:20
a hypocrite. Yeah,
13:23
he's like he's like one of these rappers that's not
13:25
really gang affiliated. You know, he
13:28
saw he saw a market and filled it.
13:30
That's how this fucking shit works. They
13:32
don't they don't get in there, little kapals
13:34
and figure out how can I Jimmy Buffett become a millionaire
13:37
by disaffecting hardworking Americans?
13:39
It's hey, there's a lot of people who
13:41
hate their jobs. What would they like to hear? Well, I
13:44
will say I was I was a big fan of his performance
13:46
as himself in the Harmony Korean film.
13:48
That the beach bump. Great. Oh, yes. It
13:51
was wonderful. Great, great movie.
14:00
Evelyn on sponge cake, watching
14:04
the sun bake. All
14:08
of those two is covered
14:10
with oil.
14:13
All right, well, moving on from
14:16
Margaritaville, I would like
14:18
to talk now about
14:20
the lawsuit that I want more to
14:22
happen than anything else in the world, but
14:25
is more guaranteed not to happen than
14:27
anything else in the world. That's right. Musk
14:29
threatens to sue the Anti-Defamation League
14:32
for destroying Twitter's advertising
14:34
revenue. And all I
14:37
got to say is, roll out Ken Watanabe.
14:39
I think he's got something to say about these
14:41
two participants in this civil action.
14:43
Let them fight. Yeah, I
14:45
mean, there are mutual judgments
14:48
where they're both wiped out. Is that possible? Like,
14:51
there's a counter-suit. They both win. It's like
14:53
the end of Reservoir Dogs. Everybody goes down.
14:57
Stop pointing that gun at my dad, huh? Stop
14:59
pointing that gun at my website. Ah, quite epic. Quite
15:02
epic. Oh, interesting irony. I
15:06
mean, like, you know, this lawsuit is not
15:08
going anywhere, but, you know,
15:10
I mean, something,
15:11
I mean, look,
15:13
something happened to cut Twitter's
15:16
value in half. Like, something did. The thing that
15:18
happened is he bought it. Because
15:20
the value he's talking about is the value he paid for
15:22
it. He was the only person on Earth
15:24
who would have paid that price for
15:26
it. The proof of that is that he was forced by the president
15:28
and he was forced by the government to pay that price for
15:30
it. So as soon
15:32
as he bought it, it lost that value because
15:34
there was a market of one at that price point and
15:36
he filled it. No one else is paying that much for Twitter.
15:39
No one else is insane enough as you and has
15:41
the freedom to do that kind of impulsive bullshit.
15:43
So that means
15:44
it will, no, the market has collapsed
15:47
for it without anything. You could do
15:49
nothing. And you're still, or in a
15:51
situation where you've lost half the value for it. And
15:53
now you've got to find something
15:56
that's going to be a little bit more than the subsequent
15:58
failure to like, epically, you know, make it worth that. through magic,
16:00
which is what he thought he was going to do. Well, I can
16:02
get there. No problem. Oh, it's not working. She
16:05
was, did it. It is like, it is
16:07
a textbook example of how anti-Semitism
16:09
functions. It is like
16:11
you fucked up something happened. You're
16:13
in a bad situation. You had something
16:16
to do with it. Not entirely. None of us do a
16:18
guy like Elon, thus well has a freedom of action
16:20
that almost no human being on earth has. So it is
16:22
mostly his fault.
16:24
You know, he can't blame society the way that
16:26
the rest of us can because he's a post society. That's
16:28
what all that money does. So he fucked
16:30
up and now it's somebody else's fault. It's
16:33
funny to hear that. I mean, it's surprising to me
16:35
that their ad revenue is thinking because
16:37
in my opinion, the ads have never been better on Twitter.
16:39
I love the ads. The ads on Twitter have
16:41
been great because like they all now,
16:44
like it seems like most ads I get are in
16:46
that sort of universe of like, there's
16:48
got to be a better way style, like ads
16:50
that are on TV at three in the morning. I saw an
16:52
ad on Twitter the other day and
16:54
there was like a video for it and everything is essentially
16:56
like a, like a suction cup
16:58
pump that you can put over someone's fucking
17:01
gob as they're choking to death on steak. Oh
17:03
yeah. Or an alternative to the Heimlich
17:05
maneuver. It just shoots out like some fucking
17:08
chunk of steak or something. The one
17:10
thing I'm, the only thing I'm surprised
17:12
about is that that ad does not go
17:14
with the angle.
17:15
Uh, the, uh, big pharma
17:18
medical establishment will tell you that the Heimlich
17:20
maneuver is the way to clear a blockage at someone's throat.
17:22
This is the Ivermechan of pulling something
17:24
out of somebody's neck. Grieving cells, especially
17:27
on that website, missed opportunity. I
17:29
like the one that selling, uh, mushrooms,
17:32
psychedelic mushrooms that are just literally
17:34
poison. And I know, you know, all psychedelics are like technically
17:37
poisoned, but
17:38
this is like an actual, where like the hallucinations
17:40
are part of a package of symptoms of like deep,
17:44
uh, cellular damage. Uh,
17:47
yeah, they got community notes now on the ads.
17:49
So people are saying this is literally poison, which
17:52
is another thing, those community notes. I'm sorry. Nobody
17:54
wants those as an advertiser, even a company that
17:56
is literal. Oh my God. That's that is,
17:58
that is, that is like.
17:59
could flag anything you put on there. That
18:02
is xenomorph blood to brands.
18:04
Hey, the
18:06
philosopher's
18:08
tea I ordered from Socrates mind
18:11
genius Alpha warrior is just Hemlock.
18:13
It killed me. I am dead. Yeah. Yeah.
18:16
Or like your McDonald's and you're
18:18
like, I'm loving it. And
18:20
then there's a community note. Actually, nobody has
18:22
loved it in McDonald's since 1984 when there
18:24
were still white people behind the counter
18:26
and it was a beautiful.
18:28
But yeah,
18:31
like a, just Elon,
18:33
I best of luck with that. And like,
18:36
and the ADL really funny too, because you
18:38
remember like a couple of years ago before Elon
18:40
Musk bought Twitter and the ADL
18:42
was like writing his Dick. They released
18:44
like some, they did a tweet where
18:46
they favorably compared him to Henry
18:49
Ford and then had to delete it for
18:51
obvious reasons. We don't like that guy. Yeah.
18:54
Yeah.
18:55
Wow. What a coincidence. You get these guys who
18:57
are not part of a broader
18:59
like capital class, you know, not like,
19:01
like, like the, like the finance guys, you
19:03
know, not let people part of a sector
19:06
guys who essentially define a
19:08
sector by themselves for did
19:10
musk did. So that means they are lump in billionaires.
19:13
They're not immersed in like a, a,
19:15
a, a sector and are like disciplined by
19:17
a social network.
19:19
When things go wrong for them one way or another, I
19:21
guess who they blame will become.
19:24
There's no other explanation at that level. When
19:27
you are in that level of clouds, if it's either
19:29
you or some other force,
19:31
well, it can't be, you know, any of the things that got you
19:33
there. It has to be an externalization
19:36
of the worst parts of that process into
19:38
a group of people.
19:40
And then boom, I got my explanation
19:42
for what's going wrong here. All
19:43
right. Well, moving on from the, you
19:46
know, the psychological roots of antisemitism
19:48
among the business genius billionaire
19:50
class. Let's check in
19:53
on the, uh, Mercedes and Mercedes
19:55
and
19:59
Mercedes and Matt Schlapp Felix
20:03
isn't on today but Felix
20:05
did his tweet about this had to be dying when
20:08
Mercedes Schlapp tweeted the Daily
20:10
Beast is Satan's publication to persecute
20:12
Christians and their families which are true
20:15
factually. It's the Daily
20:17
Beast. They're not really hiding it. Felix
20:21
said Matt Schlapp owns none
20:23
of your wives would do this if you got caught
20:25
trying to honk off your work friend. He
20:28
had insane game except when he's trying to have
20:30
sex with guys.
20:33
I
20:35
guess that honestly feels like a wizard's curse
20:38
or something. You know you're going to have like total
20:40
rapport with women to the point that you
20:42
can get one to just be your devotee.
20:44
She would throw herself on your funeral pyre
20:47
but you actually want to have sex with men and you have
20:49
zero gain. You cannot fucking fuck at
20:51
all. You're just awkwardly groping at interns.
20:56
You're fucking you're going Beatle
20:58
Bailey's boss mode. Chasing
21:01
them around a desk at turning points
21:03
USA. No
21:07
but what inspired Merchelady's and
21:10
her the latest outburst is
21:12
this Daily Beast is covering
21:14
headline inside Matt Schlapp's offer
21:17
to settle the sexual battery lawsuit against
21:19
him.
21:20
American Conservative Union chairman Matt Schlapp
21:22
has maintained that the sexual battery allegations
21:24
against him are untrue but he's also
21:27
offered to settle. Now a quick refresher.
21:30
Battle conservative activist Matt Schlapp made an
21:32
offer in March to settle the multi-million
21:34
dollar sexual battery and defamation lawsuit
21:36
against him but the proposal was rejected
21:38
according to multiple people with direct knowledge of the matter.
21:41
The offer from Schlapp was in the low six figures
21:43
according to the sources.
21:44
But Schlapp's accuser Republican strategist
21:47
Carlton Huffman filed
21:49
the law. That's all I wanted
21:51
to read. I wanted to remind everyone that
21:53
Carlton Huffman was the accuser
21:56
in this case and you know
21:58
six low six figures.
21:59
Oh, Mr.
22:02
Schlapp, you're gonna have to do a little bit better than that.
22:04
Yeah. You're Mr. CPAC
22:07
low six figures. That's what
22:09
you, that's what you paid. You pay, you
22:11
pay that much money in like Sebastian Gorka's like
22:13
forehead blacks or whatever. Yeah.
22:16
I'll shop his big dome. And this guy, what's his name?
22:20
Carlton Huffman. Carlton Huffman. Yeah.
22:23
Carlton Hufflepuff.
22:25
This guy just from the name I know he's, he's,
22:27
uh, he's not some, you know, waste natural. He's
22:30
from, he's from a family.
22:32
You molested him while he was dressed like David Spade
22:34
at PCU. He
22:37
is a fine young man from a fine young family
22:40
and they're going to see this through the end, sir.
22:42
Matt
22:46
Schlapp just does a thing for David Spade
22:48
and he's like, yeah, actually called Carlton Huffman is
22:50
dressed like David Spade in PCU tummy
22:52
boy. And uh, fuck what's the movie where, uh,
22:55
he's running for office. Oh, black sheep. Yeah.
22:57
You're right. Yeah.
23:01
Same outfit, every movie, the Navy blazer tan
23:03
slacks. Yeah. Um, but, but
23:05
here, but here's the real, here's, here's the really good, uh,
23:08
daily beast article and like, you know,
23:10
Hey, are they, are they at
23:12
his satanic majesty's,
23:14
um, uh, service? Well let's just see here. Match
23:17
lap held an exorcism at CPAC
23:20
offices after junior employees resigned.
23:23
This is a, this is the daily beast from September
23:25
1st.
23:26
Uh, when a group of employees resigned in protest
23:28
from conservative activist group CPAC last
23:31
year, the organization's power couple
23:33
match slap and his wife, Merche Sladees
23:36
felt it was time for a new begins as
23:39
part of the reset. The slaps turned
23:41
to a priest to evict satan
23:43
experience from the DC area offices.
23:45
According to multiple people with knowledge of the exorcisms,
23:48
father, Marin, are you there? Oh
23:51
my God. Where were these
23:53
DC offices in Georgetown next to a large
23:55
stairway by any chance? And
23:59
so.
23:59
So on an afternoon in spring 2022,
24:02
CPAC employees at their offices in Alexandria,
24:05
Virginia, about eight miles from the fabled staircase
24:07
featured in the 1973 horror classic The Exorcist,
24:10
found themselves suddenly in the presence of a Catholic
24:12
priest.
24:13
The priest's sources said, sprinkled holy water
24:16
around the CPAC premises and blessed all
24:18
the staff, regardless of their faith. As
24:20
part of the rite, according to these people, the priest
24:23
placed a medallion above doors
24:25
in the offices and explained it would help
24:28
ward off evil spirits.
24:30
Now when I read stuff about a Catholic priest
24:32
doing like sanctifying the CPAC
24:34
offices, and then I
24:36
hear reports that like Pope Francis is getting
24:39
ready to like excommunicate the entire American
24:41
Catholic Church. About fucking time. Yeah,
24:43
it's about time. I mean, you've
24:45
got to protect the brand better than that, man.
24:48
This guy's a Catholic priest, sprinkling
24:50
fucking water on Mercedes match slaps,
24:53
fat, sweaty forehead. But this is perfect
24:55
though. Excommunicate all the American
24:57
Catholics and then these guys, instead of just becoming
25:00
Protestants
25:00
because I think they're a little, they like
25:02
their pageantry a little too much, you know, to go straight
25:04
into like the former fucking
25:07
footlocker style of churches.
25:10
You turn them into an American Orthodox
25:13
church. So you've got guys
25:15
blessing office buildings, swinging
25:18
a big sensor of incest
25:20
at a TGI Friday's incest.
25:24
I mean, why not certain
25:26
provinces? Let's
25:28
go. I was also like every service,
25:30
every service is three hours long
25:33
hovering over a tray of Buffalo wings. And
25:37
they got a big hat, a big foam hat.
25:40
It's like a number one finger on their head. This
25:43
is my wing and this is my sauce. I
25:47
just, just from
25:49
listening back through the Rodreers supercut, I was
25:51
reminded that one of the issues
25:53
at the heart of Rodreers friends
25:56
exorcism was that they had been
25:58
on a waiting list for a Catholic. exercise.
26:00
I'm for like almost two years and
26:03
yet the show doesn't have
26:05
a demon in your house for two years
26:07
while you wait for these motherfuckers. This was part
26:09
of we've, we've already been over this. This was part of the,
26:12
the Roger. I mean, like, I forgot
26:14
about the slaps, the slaps pick
26:17
up the phone. They got a priest there that night for the
26:19
CPAT. You know,
26:21
it was the rich and powerful, the rich and powerful
26:23
is skip the line of exercise reasons. While us,
26:26
hoi polloi have to be on
26:28
the waiting list years and years suffering
26:30
our wife's torment. See, this is,
26:32
this is a market inefficiency.
26:34
This is a, this is a bottleneck,
26:37
a bureaucratic bottleneck
26:38
that's creating excess demand that can be solved
26:40
by freelance exorcists. Yes.
26:42
Uh, and I think that that would be a tenant
26:45
of the American Orthodox
26:47
Catholic church is that we would allow
26:49
market forces to dictate the
26:52
distribution of, but it's not
26:54
because they got all freelance. There's Protestant
26:56
esc
27:01
course.
27:12
Yes. Uh, I want, I want them bearing
27:14
the tabernac, if you will. Yes.
27:16
I don't know. I don't
27:18
want a guy with like an extension cord belt in
27:23
my bathtub.
27:24
Well, unless it's John Constantine. Well,
27:26
yes, of course. This is such a good point. And why would be perfect
27:29
for America? Because like, what is the problem
27:31
with exorcism
27:32
regulation? Here's the deal.
27:35
The official Catholic church still recognizes
27:37
exorcisms and like still technically
27:39
in some cases performs them, but like
27:42
the Pope as an exorcist Russell
27:44
Crowe. Yeah. But the thing is
27:46
like the office that adjudicates like the validity
27:49
of these claims, because like, look, if you're the Catholic church, you
27:51
can't just give up the ghost and be like, yeah, demon possession
27:53
isn't real. Like then, yeah, we're full of shit. Go, go
27:55
see, go see a doctor. Just
27:58
get your, give your wife a vibrator.
27:59
she'll be fine. No, but
28:03
no, but like, so like they have an office that has to like,
28:05
yeah, like adjudicate these claims and like, it's a
28:07
very, it's an extremely high bar to clear.
28:10
So most people with demon possession
28:12
problems will be, you know, left by the wayside
28:14
while they like, you know, find some perfect
28:16
case that like one in every 50 years that they
28:19
can say, Oh yeah, like we performed an exorcism.
28:21
It's real.
28:22
But you know, that doesn't help the CPAC offices,
28:24
which are probably, you know, demon
28:27
come of some kind.
28:29
The longer those demons stay in there,
28:31
the more, the more crotches
28:33
match lap will be forced to awkwardly paw
28:35
at.
28:36
The article continues
28:38
though.
28:39
It's not just an anonymous, it's not just
28:41
anonymous sources who make this claim CPAC
28:44
general counsel, key pack general counsel,
28:46
David Safavian, also a devote
28:49
Catholic publicly acknowledged an in office
28:51
exorcism earlier this year under the circumstances
28:53
similar to the 2022 event
28:55
described to the daily beast.
28:57
Now that we performed an exorcism on a recently
28:59
vacated office, I'm enjoying my new private
29:01
cigar lounge. Safavian posted on May
29:04
23rd, referring to a specific office of an employee
29:06
who had just departed at the time beats
29:08
the heck out of the corner of the garage where I could get
29:11
where I could get cell service.
29:12
Okay. Here's my question here. I know
29:15
he says he's a devout Catholic, but like I look,
29:17
I'm a, I'm a lay person and I'm not a Catholic isn't,
29:20
doesn't demonic possession, isn't
29:23
a human being that like demons want to,
29:25
they don't want to just possess some office in Alexandria,
29:27
Virginia. So they're describing a
29:30
lot of this
29:31
for paranormal activity.
29:33
Yeah. Demonic possessions are of
29:36
yes. Of, of soul. Like a person,
29:38
they want to corrupt the soul of the,
29:40
of the virtuous. Not like I said, the
29:43
corner office of an office park in
29:45
fucking Northern Virginia. Yeah. I mean,
29:47
to be fair, if I was a demon, that's probably
29:49
where I would most, I mean, that's the thing is
29:51
building in Northern Virginia. Their
29:53
idea of demonic possession is probably incorrect,
29:56
but like
29:56
office buildings, actual buildings
29:59
in this country.
29:59
I would argue are the places where demons do
30:02
live, not in us. But not old
30:04
buildings. And no, anybody
30:06
who enters one and is sit in
30:09
the right chair, in the right place is essentially
30:11
possessed by the demonic spirit
30:14
of nihilistic extraction
30:17
and surplus piling. And
30:20
so can only act according to that. And
30:23
if you're in any office in northern
30:25
Virginia, DC does a
30:29
Silicon Valley, downtown Manhattan,
30:32
lower, these buildings are literally demonically
30:34
possessed and because you could quit as
30:36
a person to say, I get a bad vibe in here, I don't like
30:38
who I am when I'm here and you can go off and you
30:41
can volunteer and be in
30:43
and run a tugboat business
30:45
in the, in the golf. And you will
30:47
be clear that the demon won't
30:50
follow you, but whoever goes to fill your
30:52
chair next, boom, as soon as they
30:54
sit down, they're, they're fucking
30:56
possessed. This is the essential
30:58
ecstatic truth of Ghostbusters too. Yep.
31:01
Yes. Yes. The bad vibes accrue
31:04
and accumulate.
31:05
Uh, just
31:06
going on in the article, he says, another source described
31:09
the 2022 event as the weirdest thing
31:11
I'd seen. And yet another said I had no idea
31:13
that was going on. Okay. If you work for match
31:15
slap and have been to CPAC multiple times
31:18
and say an exercise is the weirdest thing
31:20
you've ever seen. I questioned
31:22
your judgment because the one time I went
31:24
to CPAC that I, show me a
31:26
demon business person right now. And it wouldn't, it wouldn't
31:28
phase me in the slightest.
31:30
No, my God. Those, those, those
31:32
dolphin tooth, fucking great proteins
31:35
approaching us and calling us an aesthetic men.
31:38
We, a
31:40
lot of, a lot of guys who, who
31:42
definitely made me realize why, uh, the Mac
31:45
tonight guy from McDonald's was briefly
31:47
a outright icon with, yeah. Cause
31:49
they look like that. They have like scooped
31:52
faces.
31:53
It's like just these horrible non
31:56
Euclidean planes. It
32:00
says,
32:01
multiple sources with knowledge of the event
32:03
said that the right included a prayer circle
32:05
in Schlapp's office, which
32:07
one person described as performative and inauthentic.
32:10
Like the show, this source says, really? Really?
32:14
As the priest made his way through
32:16
the office, spritzing holy water room to
32:18
room, employees nudged him towards Matt's
32:20
office, this person said, the way he
32:22
had treated junior employees seemed to us like
32:25
he was the one who needed it most.
32:27
CPAC is being terrorized by a demon
32:30
self described as the Daily Beast, the statement
32:32
attributed to Matt Slout said. The good
32:34
news is the leadership of CPAC knows
32:36
how the epic battle against the Beast ends.
32:39
I'd short the stock.
32:40
Wait a minute. So the Daily Beast is the devil
32:43
that they're exercising.
32:44
So why didn't they go to the offices of the Daily
32:46
Beast? Well, because it's like, I don't know, it appears,
32:49
you know, an angelic membrane
32:51
of the Schlapp barn, the
32:54
Schlapp fuck barn. Yeah. No, I
32:56
think as you say, like they were trying to get it into
32:58
Matt's office. Everyone kind of understood, OK,
33:01
if we are exercising anything, it is Matt's
33:03
compulsive need to honk us off. Yep.
33:08
Maybe he could take this moment to like
33:10
really reflect on what he's done and be like, OK,
33:12
folks, this house is clean now,
33:15
meaning I will stop trying to honk you off.
33:18
But yeah, like I I saw the idea of
33:20
like Max von Sindau walking around being
33:22
escorted around Alexandria,
33:25
Virginia by Northern
33:27
Virginia's horniest couple, Mercedes
33:30
and Matt Schlapp. I like to think
33:32
of them as a even less wholesome
33:34
couple from the people under the stairs.
33:40
All right. Well, let's let's let's depart
33:42
from politics for a second, because I have
33:45
a I got an opinion piece here
33:47
in the Washington Post that's it's
33:49
pretty interesting.
33:51
And like basically, I don't
33:53
know if this is a recurring segment
33:55
on the show, but, you know, it's a question that comes
33:58
up from time to time. And that question is.
34:00
Men, what are we killing
34:03
these days? What are men up to killing and destroying?
34:06
What are we up to? What are we fucking up these days by
34:08
ending the life up?
34:10
And the answer is houseplants. This
34:12
is an opinion piece in the Washington Post by
34:15
Karen Adia, titled,
34:17
Why Do Men Kill Women's Plants?
34:20
And fellas, we've
34:23
got some explaining to do. Because
34:25
I like, you know, let's dive into this
34:27
piece. Men, what is up
34:29
with this?
34:30
So she says here, begins,
34:33
there's that saying, it's better to be a
34:35
warrior in the garden
34:37
than a gardener in a war. I've never
34:39
heard that saying before. Have you ever
34:41
heard this phrase? Wait a minute. It's
34:44
better to be a warrior in a garden
34:47
than a gardener in a war.
34:49
Oh, okay. Oh, I see. Why
34:52
would a warrior be a garden? What
34:54
are they doing? I
34:55
mean, it seems like sort of a truism.
34:57
I mean, is the warrior going to fight
35:00
the plan? Wouldn't it just be better to not be in
35:02
a war? Yeah. Yes. Yeah,
35:05
exactly. That's what I'm saying. And if it was better
35:07
to be doing anything than doing the same thing in a war. Right.
35:09
Like if you were a gardener in a war, they would probably take
35:12
the trowel out of your hand and give you a gun. And
35:14
then you'd be a warrior in a war. You
35:16
wouldn't be a gardener for long. Whereas
35:18
you could be a warrior in a garden forever and just
35:21
miserably failing to properly garden. You
35:23
can't leave the garden until you get like a crop
35:26
to sprout and you're just hacking at it with
35:28
your sword. You have no idea what to do.
35:31
That could suck. I do like
35:33
your idea of a warrior
35:35
in the garden as being antagonistic to the plants.
35:37
So your goal is there to shop
35:39
and eradicate plant life in
35:42
your in your garden, which is like the opposite of
35:44
what you want in a garden. So he's doing a bad
35:46
job and maybe there's consequences
35:48
for that. Maybe he gets fired.
35:50
Maybe he gets evicted. I was just trying to think of an example
35:52
of gardening during the war.
35:54
And you know what? It was all those British officers
35:57
that became POWs during World War Two. All
35:59
those RAF officers.
35:59
that were sent to like the Great Escape or whatever.
36:02
They got to garden. They were loving it. They
36:05
had a great time. No bigger fucking
36:07
teacher's pet nerds
36:09
than the officers who tried to escape from
36:11
POW camps during World War II. You
36:14
fucking made it, dude. You served your country.
36:17
Just chill out, do drag for each other,
36:19
which I know you guys love more than anything. Yes,
36:21
yes. Have your little garden plot. They
36:23
got to do panto and have a big sleepover
36:26
with their friends. Did you need a convention
36:29
for bid officers from doing work? They were not
36:31
allowed to work
36:32
so they could just hang out. You
36:34
know you're going to win at that point.
36:37
The Germans are fucked. You're going to go home in a while
36:39
and you're not going to get killed in the meantime. What do you take
36:41
a load off? You fucking lunatic. Signing
36:45
yourself extra credit in World
36:47
War II. No, thank you. All
36:52
right, but back to what? I mean, I say that as coming
36:54
from a long line of cowards. My
36:57
grandfather volunteered
37:00
for the Coast Guard in World War II.
37:02
Good move. You see Mr. Chrisman? Nope.
37:05
Mr. Chrisman, it is every officer's duty to
37:08
resist the enemy and evade capture
37:10
and escape by any means necessary.
37:12
Snip upper lip.
37:14
Snip upper lip. They're
37:18
like, Matt, you've
37:20
got tunnel duty. And you're like, these
37:23
cathanthemums aren't going to tend to themselves. Look,
37:26
later tonight, we're all going to put broom
37:29
mops on our heads and pretend to be beautiful ladies.
37:32
Yeah, I'm going to dress up as Betty Grable and have
37:34
a sock hop. Leave us alone. That's
37:38
the fun shit about war. Yeah. I
37:40
mean, that's a, you know, we just came up with a
37:42
great example of being a gardener during
37:44
the war. But let's see what else this article goes. Nearly
37:47
three years ago,
37:48
one of my favorite trees in the world,
37:51
my parents' 22-year-old fig tree,
37:53
was butchered by some clueless landscaping
37:55
warriors looking to make a quick buck.
37:58
And now she includes in this.
37:59
A tweet that she, documenting
38:02
this at the time it happened, October
38:04
16th, 2020, she tweeted, putting
38:06
her dad on blast on Twitter,
38:09
she said here, my dad let the tree
38:11
trimmers massacre the fig tree, my favorite
38:13
tree in the world. I am livid, I need
38:15
to walk this off.
38:17
When she says, months later, as I tearfully predicted,
38:20
the tree was so injured that a large part of it
38:22
died.
38:23
And then another followup tweet,
38:25
many of y'all remember my distressing tweet thread
38:27
last year about the trimmers that came and massacred
38:29
our tree. I wish it had a happier ending.
38:32
What was once the beautiful wood of the fig tree
38:34
is now being burrowed out by ants. It's
38:36
like looking into the decaying corpse of
38:38
my old friend.
38:40
I wish I could go after the scamming land
38:42
rapers who did this, but they aren't even
38:44
a registered company.
38:46
This
38:49
certainly escalated. This article
38:51
is going places. And I think like this fig tree
38:53
is really kind of like a, just a
38:55
stand-in for the fucked up relationship between
38:58
this woman and her dad. When did
39:00
this thing happen? When was the initial
39:02
tweet? This happened like three years ago. And
39:05
she's been thinking about it that long. Well, I mean, like the
39:07
article is from September 1st. I
39:09
mean, this is still in her mind.
39:12
But she writes, I wrote about it at the time, utterly
39:14
enraged at the landscapers and my
39:17
father, who had allowed them to mutilate the
39:19
tree. So angry that I took a
39:21
pair of scissors and threatened to execute
39:23
his favorite post-pathos right in front
39:25
of him to give him a taste of how I felt.
39:28
Like, see what I mean? Like, I
39:30
don't think it's just the fig tree here, you
39:32
know? Well, also, yes, this sounds
39:34
like there's some, some electro
39:37
complex stuff going on here, but also
39:39
you can't forget how
39:41
psychotic the relationship is between
39:44
Brits and their lawns, gardens,
39:46
like their personal. Oh, this isn't a British
39:49
person. What? This isn't a British
39:51
person. There's not, this is a regular American.
39:53
This is Karen. She's
39:56
a Northwestern University BA
39:58
in communication study.
39:59
I just assumed they were British because this
40:02
is exactly the kind of shit that's always in the Guardian
40:04
Yeah,
40:11
I killed my wife's favorite tree it looks
40:13
like it's the death penalty for me by Adrian I
40:15
was just like oh, this has got to be this is pretty
40:17
Wow, this is a regular American Wow See
40:21
I I'm not quite sure where this is going But I feel
40:23
like that first paragraph is already a tell because if
40:25
it if she was motivated by a pure love
40:27
of natural Growing things then she would have
40:29
an instinctive aversion of taking out the death of one
40:32
Green thing the fig tree on another
40:34
growing thing the pothos. This
40:36
is it's not about the plants. It's about something else
40:39
Yeah, okay, so she says here she writes
40:42
after after that column was published I
40:44
was flooded with tweets and stories from
40:46
women whose spouses boyfriends fathers
40:48
and
40:49
and male neighbors Had destroyed
40:52
their favorite shrubs flowers herbs
40:54
even plants that had been handed down to them from
40:57
long-gone relatives I was reminded
40:59
of the fig tree fiasco a few days ago
41:01
when my sister informed me that the same Landscapers
41:04
had come back and asked whether there was any pruning
41:06
to do my sister told me she put into the
41:08
tall spindly fig Shrub growing from the dead
41:11
trees from the trees dead trunk
41:13
stumps Apparently the men looked embarrassed
41:15
said story and drove away. They're
41:17
lucky. I wasn't there I would have threatened
41:19
to prize the tires off their truck if they
41:21
ever came back again But that inspired me
41:23
to put a call it back out on Twitter now
41:26
known as X for women to share
41:28
their stories
41:29
And so she puts she puts out says out the bad
41:31
signal and says I would still love
41:33
to compile stories Oh women who
41:35
had to deal with men destroying their gardens favorite
41:38
flowers or trees and vines that
41:40
have a long history Hell hath no
41:42
fury like a woman whose plants have
41:44
been wrecked by mindless men The
41:46
responses I got here were well horrifying
41:49
if you're a plant lover read at your own risk tree
41:52
triggers ahead
41:54
Now now listener before
41:56
I embark on some of these horror stories.
41:59
I would just like to have it stated for the
42:01
record that I have
42:03
had a jade plant for probably 16
42:05
or 17 years, the same
42:08
jade plant.
42:09
And it's going strong and I
42:11
hope to have it another 15 or 16.
42:14
So I am one of the good ones,
42:16
ladies. I will
42:18
not let a plant die if I can help it. But
42:20
let's listen to some of these responses.
42:24
One reply says, I
42:26
had a boyfriend that destroyed a gigantic
42:29
and beautiful orchid.
42:30
I'm talking about three to four feet tall and at
42:32
least two feet wide because he was jealous that
42:34
one of our mutual friends, a man, gave
42:37
it to me as a trade for my help with his business.
42:39
Okay, so that's his that's his that's
42:41
not a man problem. This guy
42:44
is psycho.
42:45
Come on. That's not that's not Homer Simpson
42:48
going, oops. Okay,
42:50
next one. I lovingly, lovingly
42:52
recreated a medieval style herbal
42:54
lawn in our backyard. Husband,
42:56
in parentheses, now former, had
42:59
a service mow the lawn while I was out of town.
43:01
They alerted him to the weeds in the lawn and
43:03
offered to remove them. One application of
43:05
weed killer and six years of work
43:08
was gone. Oh, right. See,
43:11
now that's what we're talking about. Yes, that's classic
43:13
of fish. That
43:15
is male ovary. Wow. That
43:17
is some fucking that is some king
43:19
of Queens
43:20
level. Some Jim Belushi
43:22
grade male ovary. Congratulations.
43:25
Writing a writing a John Deere over
43:27
like a bed of rosemary
43:29
or something. I mean, you're
43:32
drinking a beer.
43:34
It does. It does take a special
43:36
kind of husband ovary to not have
43:38
noticed that your wife has been cultivating
43:40
one part of your lawn for six years.
43:44
It's like the one time you
43:46
went out of town being like, Oh, I wonder why we've never mowed
43:48
this part of the lawn in six years.
43:51
Next one says my husband
43:53
had weeded. Quote unquote. So
43:55
many of my perennials he mowed over in Azalea
43:58
Bush. He planted a mom where
43:59
my peonies were and killed that I can
44:02
go on and on. So now I take him with
44:04
me to the nursery and tell him the price of everything
44:06
I am buying that he killed. There
44:09
you go. Hit him on the wallet. There's
44:11
a few more. Let's see.
44:13
Early in their marriage, my parents and toddler,
44:16
my parents and toddler
44:18
and me spent some time living with my mom's
44:20
grandparents. Her grandparents had great vines
44:23
that they were very proud of. And wouldn't you know, my stoned
44:25
father wound up killing them in an attempt to prove
44:28
my mom was and still is pissed.
44:30
There we go. This is the good stuff. Keep
44:32
this coming. I like this.
44:34
A friend of mine got fucking Hendrix
44:36
on a giant headphones. He's
44:39
got a booby the size of a fucking
44:41
Sunday time is coming out of his mouth. Friend
44:45
of mine took a job in another town at the start of her
44:47
divorce before she could dig up her flower
44:49
bulbs collected over the years. He completely covered
44:51
the bulbs with rocks baking them in the Southwest
44:54
sun. He knew what they meant to her intentional,
44:56
vindictive, spiteful. I mean, yeah, like
44:59
that's not Ophory. That's just that's just I
45:01
don't like that. I don't like the ones where the guy is just
45:03
being a psycho. All right.
45:05
Well, I mean, there's more there's more similar
45:08
tales. But now
45:09
she has some commentary on it.
45:11
She says, I don't know whether the destruction
45:13
of plants and gardens is commonly considered a
45:15
sign of toxic or even abusive characteristics
45:17
in a relationship. But maybe it should be.
45:20
Plenty
45:20
of women pointed out that the men who had destroyed
45:22
their plants were now their exes. I'm
45:24
not saying all women are earth goddesses blessed
45:27
with the innate horticultural talents. And
45:29
of course, not all men are out there murdering
45:31
every tree and shrub they can get their hands on.
45:34
I do know men who have gorgeous gardens and are
45:36
quite good with indoor plants. From
45:38
what I could find, there haven't been many studies on the
45:40
gendered aspects of American lawn and garden
45:42
care or yard work
45:44
and why men sometimes kill plants they shouldn't.
45:47
But for me growing up lawn care was male
45:49
work. And no surprise, manicured
45:51
lawn grass remains a symbol of male
45:54
material success.
45:55
So it's like, they're sort of like the
45:58
lawn, right, which is like that. That
46:00
is like
46:01
the man, the landowner, the
46:03
sort of the barren,
46:05
you know, and like a pretending of the lawn is
46:08
man work because you have to do battle with it. You have
46:10
to, you know, you got to cut the grass. You see
46:13
the shrubs. You got to clear the shrubs,
46:16
but then the brush and shrubs. But then there
46:18
is gardening, which is, you know, yeah,
46:20
I think fairly can be there as gendered,
46:23
nurturing, like, and bringing forth
46:26
either, you know, like food to eat
46:28
or flowers, you know, which is, you know,
46:30
that's, that's, that's a bit, it's a bit fruit nourishing
46:33
one way or the other spirit and the body.
46:36
Um,
46:37
as crystal Dacosta wrote in scientific American
46:39
in 2017, the state of a homeowner's
46:42
lawn is an important in relation to their status
46:44
within the community and to the status of the community
46:46
at large lawns, connect neighbors
46:48
and neighborhoods. They're viewed as an indicator of socioeconomic
46:51
character, which translates into property and resale
46:53
values. Lawns are indicative of
46:55
success. They're a physical manifestation of
46:58
the American dream of homeownership.
47:00
Uh, they are also something that I think should probably
47:03
be made illegal.
47:04
Like, I don't think we should have
47:06
cause like, okay, the round up that
47:08
you need to pour into like the groundwater
47:10
to keep a fucking lawn looking away like it is,
47:13
is just like going to make it so that we can't
47:15
eat food in the coming decades.
47:18
And like, and not to mention all the cancerous effects of
47:20
Roundup, but also just like the water wasted
47:22
on fucking watering lawns.
47:25
It's just, I mean, it's all, it's all to maintain
47:27
this parody of our old relationship
47:30
with nature. It is, it's literally
47:32
like, we just need to have a little therapeutic
47:35
valve for the fact that we just wrenched ourselves
47:37
completely from any relationship to the natural
47:39
world. So we got to create this little
47:41
curated parody of it, like a
47:43
serial killer who like poses
47:45
his victims and merry configurations.
47:51
But yeah, it's like, uh,
47:52
the common thread in the responses I heard from
47:54
women had nothing to do with grass, but with
47:56
flowers, herbs, trees, and vines being
47:59
ruined by men who I.
47:59
either refused to listen to women's instructions or
48:02
it tipped over into rage. I've
48:04
yet to hear of a woman poisoning a man's
48:06
lawn out of negligence or spite, but
48:09
if it's happened, I'm all ears. See, I think
48:11
maybe the thing is like,
48:13
the lawn is in conflict
48:15
with the herbs, the vines, the flowers,
48:18
and I guess to the
48:20
lawn mower dad, they're all
48:23
just chaffed to be sliced
48:25
up. To be mowed. Destroyed and brought to heel,
48:27
yeah. No, all you have is the blade.
48:30
Well, as she has carried on. You are in fact a warrior
48:32
in a garden.
48:33
Yeah. Armed only with
48:34
a blade. The next paragraph says, is it the sense
48:37
of power they get from wielding large, sharp
48:39
tools? Or given that women's labor
48:41
is especially in the home is valued less than men's,
48:44
is it that our gardens work with flowers, vines,
48:46
and heirlooms passed down is also less valued?
48:49
Or can it be that these men are jealous of the time,
48:51
energy, and dare I say love, that women
48:54
give the gardens we care for? We
48:56
know that spending time in nature and caring for plants
48:58
and flowers are sources of stress relief,
49:00
well-being, and joy. The stories that
49:02
paint men as blundering idiots in women's gardens
49:05
obscure the very real harm these men have caused
49:07
and the very real pain many women
49:09
describe feeling when they discover their plants dead.
49:12
Perhaps this gets to a larger point about society,
49:14
gender, and nature that
49:16
has been a running theme throughout history. The
49:18
male fear and contempt
49:21
for nature and women that leads some to
49:23
see both as things to be cold, controlled, colonized,
49:26
and wrestled into submission.
49:27
Anyway, as for my parents' fig tree,
49:30
she has seen better days. But like so many of the
49:32
American women I know who survived neglect, callousness,
49:34
and well men, she's still kicking.
49:37
So you can't keep a good tree down.
49:40
But that. Sounds like a cool tree. I
49:43
mean, I think there is a useful lesson there
49:45
for guys. Pay more attention.
49:48
That's always a good suggestion.
49:50
Be less Doug Heffernan and
49:53
more, I can't even think of an alternative because
49:55
they're all like that. I
49:57
would recommend just getting into it. Like I said,
49:59
I've had a jade plant for, like I said, as long
50:02
as I have, because they take almost no
50:04
upkeep. So like, invest in plants
50:06
that, like succulents, that you have to water. If
50:08
you forget to water them for a month, they'll be
50:10
fine.
50:11
Or cactuses are also quite good.
50:13
But you know,
50:14
orchids, you know, some of these
50:16
are orchids into my house, I'm killing that shit. I'm
50:19
killing it immediately. I also think a
50:21
lot of guys need to find ways to get into things that
50:23
are maybe through the more analytical realm,
50:26
you know, like,
50:27
how one might like research and build
50:30
one's own PC at home. So
50:32
just figure out the ways that you can approach something
50:34
like a science project or a manual to
50:36
be cracked or a math problem to be solved.
50:39
And that will get
50:41
you into the garden mindset. I tipped
50:44
my cap to the lady who showed her husband
50:46
how much everything he ruined cost. Because
50:48
that is the way to actually pierce the bubble. That's the way
50:50
to get it.
50:51
Yeah, you turn the thermostat
50:53
up by a degree. And
50:57
every day in the country knows exactly the cost
50:59
of that. That one degree temperature of heat. So
51:02
yeah.
51:02
And yeah, like you said, like, you know, just
51:05
think of producing a beautiful bushel
51:07
of heirloom tomatoes, like a character
51:09
build. Yes, exactly. You've got
51:11
to invest in the stats to
51:13
get a delicious BLT. Yeah,
51:16
think about all the item
51:19
fusions you need to do or all the fetch
51:21
quests you need to do to make a potion
51:23
in Skyrim and just apply it to your garden.
51:25
It's all just gaming. Gamify
51:28
your garden. All gaming. Gamify your garden.
51:30
Thank you. Well,
51:32
yeah, shout out to shout out to all
51:34
the ladies whose husbands are taking
51:38
a weed whacker to their precious hobby.
51:41
Ladies solidarity with oath wives. The
51:45
WYW W W Wives
51:48
of Oath. WOO is the new coalition that
51:50
we are establishing today.
51:54
Yeah, I think that does it
51:56
for me today. Anything
51:59
else going on? Oh, what
52:01
do I see here? Gunther has thrown Israel under
52:03
the bus because yeah, gosh is Yeah,
52:07
power levels are going up dramatically
52:09
very quickly Israel must not dismantle this
52:12
punishment for her moral neutrality against the
52:14
Russian genocide against. Oh, what's this? Gunther
52:16
follows me now? Yeah, I Respect
52:19
that he went with the three states.
52:22
He's like, oh everybody knows about the two-state solution.
52:24
That's for normies What makes me Gunther is that I'm
52:26
proposing a Try state
52:29
area. Wait, what I did I did not
52:32
I have not been I saw the headline But
52:34
I did not catch up with the thread. What are the
52:36
three states that he is Proposing
52:39
I actually didn't see him like get specific
52:42
with it because I think he knows that Muslim
52:45
or
52:46
NATO Palestine
52:48
in Israel I administered
52:52
a State
52:54
that's gonna say He threatens
52:56
all these states would being broken up into like not
52:59
just two states not just three states But let's
53:01
say a dozen different states break it all he
53:03
gets off on it. It's the harder
53:05
he can get I don't I
53:07
Maybe it's like two states with
53:09
Jerusalem is like a Danzig like
53:12
international city, you know administered
53:14
by the UN or I'm sorry not the UN
53:16
NATO, of course Yes,
53:18
I think that would work. I don't know
53:21
but I just love that he's he's pushing the envelope
53:23
He's taking he's taking it seriously Like
53:25
everybody else in the NATO coalition is
53:27
just politely ignoring the fact that Israel is
53:29
like, yeah, fuck you We don't care. We
53:31
don't care about your little fight with Russia. We're good And
53:35
only gunther is like hey are these guys
53:37
on our side or not? It's like they have
53:39
their own deal here that is not necessarily in
53:41
our interests So expect
53:44
the ADL to put gunther in their sights
53:46
pretty soon now Gunther
53:49
though. Yep. He's a grinder.
53:51
He wants it more. He is the reincarnation of Hitler
53:53
after all
53:58
No, I was to the last thing of no Did
54:00
you see a former deputy solicitor
54:03
general of the United States and Neil Kata'el, Neil
54:05
Kakatiel at fucking Burning Man,
54:07
wearing a fucking propeller beanie baseball
54:10
hat and like the most Dan flashes
54:12
t-shirt I bet, but Dan flashes button up
54:15
I've ever seen in my life. Okay.
54:16
Look at that photo and imagine
54:18
that you are a like African child
54:21
enslaved on a cocoa plantation and that's
54:24
the last thing you see. Yeah. It's
54:26
something.
54:28
All right. It's something. All right.
54:30
I've never, obviously I've never been to Burning Man and
54:32
I, it's just the whole configuration
54:35
after this is absolutely baffling
54:38
to me because I think I get it. They're like, Oh, it's for
54:40
tech libertarians who want to do drugs. But
54:42
then like
54:43
fucking Chris Rock was there. Uh,
54:46
fucking, uh, Grover Norquist goes
54:48
every year. Yeah. The fucking
54:50
hillbilly troubadour was there.
54:52
Like what, what is bringing this together?
54:55
You know, like bill homie, Bohemian Grove to me
54:57
has like a logic. I don't understand
54:59
what is bringing people together at La
55:01
Playa.
55:03
I know they make a big burning man. It
55:05
certainly seems more than, you
55:07
know, it's always had that like tech libertarian
55:09
background, but it certainly seems like it has broken
55:12
containment of even those nerds over the
55:14
last few years. Yeah. And
55:16
that this year's flooding is the Ragnarok that
55:18
it has been courting as
55:21
it has moved further and further away from the,
55:23
uh, the values of let's get a bunch of horny
55:25
hippies to live, live in community in the desert.
55:28
The first burning man was on a beach in the
55:30
Bay area. It was not out in the middle of nowhere.
55:32
And it was like, we're just going to get together on the beach
55:34
and we're going to have a bonfire. We're going to vibe out.
55:37
And they're like, we got to keep this going, man. And eventually
55:39
it leads to, you know,
55:41
like a Jay sock guy
55:43
who's responsible for 15 hospital drone
55:46
bombings on fucking NDMA
55:49
listening to Diplo and eating
55:51
like, uh, eating like dolphin
55:54
blowhole croquettes.
55:57
It's like fried calamari, but
55:59
it's just the whole of a blue
56:02
whale. They're
56:04
all setting around. It's like, it's like
56:07
a giant table. They're all nibbling one end. Yeah.
56:10
Uh, the, the
56:12
burning man is that, I mean, like, I know
56:14
a few people have gone for years and years and years
56:16
and years who are outside of that, like
56:19
the, the, you know, the Neil Katia
56:21
class. And the, the attitude is
56:24
always very funny to me because you look, you know,
56:26
over the weekend you're seeing pictures coming in and
56:28
that look more like mad max than
56:30
maybe anything I've seen in the real world.
56:32
Fury wrote it. Yeah. I like the part where they got
56:34
stuck in the mud and that and they have to like shoot, shoot at
56:36
the bullet farmer over his shoulder. Yes, exactly.
56:39
Exactly. Uh, and then I check
56:41
in on some of my friends, like Insta
56:43
stories or whatever, who I know are there and,
56:45
uh, they're all like first story,
56:48
uh,
56:48
waist deep in mud. What am I going to do?
56:50
Second story? Honestly, this might be my favorite
56:53
burn ever. So, you
56:55
know, God
56:56
bless him. Obviously the character building. Yeah. So
56:58
obviously the, the, uh, the
57:01
Raytheon class attendance of burning
57:03
man is, um, you're rotating, but, uh, I
57:06
gotta give it up for the,
57:08
the lifelong burners who, who, uh, are during through this.
57:10
You got, you got Neil there. He's wearing
57:12
a fucking look, looking like a complete prick, but
57:15
I'm sure he's like rolling face, having a great time.
57:17
He's got to get his boys, uh, fucking Samuel Alito
57:19
and
57:20
Amy Coby Bryant. And Clarence,
57:22
get the Supreme court to go to burning
57:24
man. Give him, give him some fucking, let
57:26
him candy flip and
57:28
like, you know, give him a billion dollars. And
57:30
maybe we just realized like, Hey, the Supreme
57:32
court bullshit. We don't need it again. Grover Norquist
57:34
goes there. Every year. It doesn't work that way.
57:37
Okay. Get Holland. Crow to go
57:39
there. Get Holland. Crow to go there. He'll fucking have
57:41
a psychedelic experience. You know what? He's like, I'm burning all
57:44
of my Hitler memorabilia in the giant, in the man.
57:46
We're going to go. He's going to have Hitler stuff. He's going
57:48
to see Hitler and he's going to be like, you know what? He's actually
57:51
made some good points. He
57:52
seems like a nice guy. I'm
57:55
actually. of
58:00
stoke that I own all of his silverware
58:02
now. I'm just imagining getting
58:05
the entire Supreme Court out to the playa
58:07
and
58:07
to do an enacting an inverse
58:10
Supreme Court to judge them like
58:13
when the scarecrow is presiding over court
58:15
in Dark Knight Rises. Except it's
58:17
like a panel
58:19
of white guys with dreads doing
58:22
devil sticks holding them accountable
58:24
for their moral crimes from
58:26
the top of mountain of like
58:28
junk and like art RVs. Yeah,
58:31
but then that's time to render judgment. They're like, we
58:33
just realized literally all of us are only able
58:35
to afford to come to Burning Man because of decisions
58:37
you people made. So congratulations, you're
58:39
actually in charge now. You're absolved.
58:41
We're going to give you blood red robes and let you preside
58:44
over the great sacrifice. And here's the
58:46
thing I actually had the hardest time getting understanding
58:48
about Burning Man.
58:49
When I hear, okay, yeah, you go out and
58:52
it's just a giant rave in the desert, you do drugs,
58:54
you have sex in like a camper or
58:56
a porta potty. Okay, I get that. It's a music festival
58:58
without the music. Perfect.
59:00
But then the shit about how like, oh,
59:02
we're also building like a giant erector
59:04
set the whole time. Yes. It's
59:06
like, how does this, how does this time management work
59:09
here? Where it's like you come down off of 15
59:12
psychedelics and then you've got to like get together
59:14
and build an Ikea tablet,
59:16
an Ikea like bookcase.
59:18
It's like the size of
59:21
like a four story building. I don't understand
59:24
that part of it. All the erector sets
59:26
are constructed by Filipino guest
59:28
workers. See, this is what I wondered. Do they just
59:30
like have, do they just like fiber out
59:32
a bunch of people on private helicopters?
59:35
I don't know. Just do a mass fire. No, a task
59:37
rabbit. They just have them all like helicoptered
59:40
out and dropped from parachutes. It's just,
59:42
it's actually have to do that shit. Like have
59:44
an Allen wrench on their hand.
59:46
It's like the limits of like a psychedelic
59:48
experiences because I could very well see
59:50
Neil and company, you
59:52
know, like a rolling face
59:54
and having some sort of like,
59:56
plural moment and feeling of oneness with the
59:58
universe where they conclude that. like, you
1:00:00
know what? Everyone else who's
1:00:02
not here are insects and should be
1:00:04
squashed. I
1:00:07
guess what, like, we're all just
1:00:09
part of one conscious being. I mean, like the people
1:00:11
here, everyone outside of this bubble. You
1:00:14
can sort of imagine it like the West,
1:00:17
the gods, you know,
1:00:19
godhood sort of emanating sort of like rays
1:00:21
from a central sun, you know, like
1:00:24
if you put it on a flag,
1:00:26
maybe there would be like slightly off center.
1:00:28
There would be the sun and then the rays of the sun would
1:00:30
be coming out of it,
1:00:31
encompassing the world and
1:00:34
touching all those who are, who are benighted
1:00:37
and not touched by God's,
1:00:39
God's oneness, that kind
1:00:41
of thing. Well, I hope they had a lot of a
1:00:43
Nestle chocolate to keep the
1:00:46
energy going during the six mile hike
1:00:49
out of the day. Have enough I ever
1:00:51
met him to deal with the Ebola outbreak.
1:00:53
Yes. Talk about worms.
1:00:56
Jesus Christ. That that I
1:00:58
watching that fluoresce, watching
1:01:00
brace, just be like, I'm going to pretend I'm at burning
1:01:02
man and tell him
1:01:06
to premium influencers,
1:01:08
tick talking about the extant
1:01:11
and un, uncontested
1:01:13
Ebola outbreak at burning man.
1:01:15
I just had, I had to doff
1:01:18
my cap to, um, yeah, to brace
1:01:20
when I went to a IRL
1:01:23
labor day hang of mostly offline
1:01:25
people yesterday and heard
1:01:28
the rumor bubbling up. Did you
1:01:30
hear that there might be like some kind of like
1:01:33
a bullet outbreak there? I heard that
1:01:35
that was true. And I was like that the fact that
1:01:37
you can, you can post something so hard that,
1:01:39
uh, that it breaks containment
1:01:41
into the real, real world. I mean, I,
1:01:44
I, I don't know if this can be attributed entirely
1:01:46
to, to brace, but I, you know, let's just say I
1:01:48
want to believe, uh, not
1:01:51
another headline here. I just have to share before we get off
1:01:53
today. Uh,
1:01:53
this also the jelly beast president
1:01:55
Biden has been briefed on burning man chaos.
1:01:58
Quote, we are in touch.
1:01:59
with the local people, he said, while adding he
1:02:02
was focused on getting everyone out. Thank
1:02:05
God for that.
1:02:06
We're there to help.
1:02:07
I would love to be in the room as an
1:02:09
aide tries to explain what Burning Man is
1:02:11
to Joe Biden. I mean, I would,
1:02:14
it shouldn't be that hard. You just be like, it's, it's,
1:02:17
uh, it's Woodstock with gender, sir. It's
1:02:19
a gen, it's gender Woodstock. And
1:02:21
I think he would get that because he clearly gets, he knows
1:02:24
Woodstock, you know, he was, he
1:02:25
was outside shaking his fist at the hippies when
1:02:27
it happened.
1:02:28
And he certainly knows gender. He knows
1:02:30
what the gender stuff is. He knows enough. There are
1:02:32
at least three of them. It's not his business, but they're on
1:02:34
his side. That's all he needs to know.
1:02:37
So it's gender Woodstock gives him all the information
1:02:39
he needs to know.
1:02:40
All right. Let's, let's put a pin in it there for today.
1:02:43
Uh, fellas, you have anything to, uh, to plug
1:02:45
or share with you at the show?
1:02:47
We are plug free other than that, Roger,
1:02:49
right? But it seems like people are discovering it. So,
1:02:52
um, right.
1:02:53
No new business for the day. So
1:02:56
let's just, uh, say
1:02:58
goodbye. Bye. Goodbye.
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